Blog de KingShamus

"When an entire nation thirsted to break free from PC…Andrew Breitbart opened a big bar."–Chris Muir

Archive for April, 2011

Kate Middleton ‘Bows’ To Prince William

Posted by KingShamus on April 30, 2011

The Royal Wedding was waaaaaaay hotter than I thought it was going to be.

How hot?

Ummmmmmmmmmm, wow.

I found this over at The Mind Is An Unexplored Country, via the great Other McCain.

Question:  Can a demotivator also count as Rule 5 material?  I’ll let ya’all be the judge.

Posted in Chuckles | Tagged: , , , | 13 Comments »

Give Mitch McConnell Some Props

Posted by KingShamus on April 29, 2011

He might be one of the few GOPers that has figured out how to play the game.

A day after Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D., Nev.) put Republicans on the spot by saying he will bring the House Republicans’ budget proposal up for a vote, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R., Ky.) turned the tables by exercising his legislative prerogative to call for a vote on President Barack Obama’s budget.

The two votes amount to legislative brinkmanship by both party leaders. Mr. Reid wants to put Republicans on record supporting legislation authored by House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan (R., Wis.) that would eventually transform Medicare and Medicaid. Mr. McConnell, meanwhile, wants to force Democrats to vote on a plan that rolls back Bush-era tax cuts for people who make more than $250,000 and ignores many of the long-term costs driving the deficit.

“I understand that the Majority Leader would like to have a vote on the House-passed Ryan budget and we will,” Mr. McConnell said in a statement. “But we’ll have a vote on the President’s budget at the same time. Since there is no Democrat budget in the Senate, we’ll give our colleagues an opportunity to stand with the President in failing to address the problems facing our nation while calling for trillions in new spending, massive new debt and higher taxes on American energy, families and small businesses across the country.”

Here’s how this could work out quite nicely.

What this comes down to is each Senate faction putting their party’s basic assumptions about government spending up for a vote.  The President’s budget request that he submitted is a joke that was laughed off the stage almost immediately.  The budget cuts St. Barry of The Holy High Speed Rail proposed are two hundredths of one percent of overall federal spending.  They amount to a whole shitload of nada when it comes to reducing the massive American debt. 

If it’s a fight between Obama’s head-firmly-buried-in-a-unicorn’s-ass approach to government spending and Paul Ryan’s earnest desire for fiscal discipline, the GOP will probably win that fight.  The American public recognizes that federal spending hasn’t gone down in half a century.  People have figured out that America isn’t undertaxed, but that it overspends. 

The Democrats are going to play horror movie clips depicting Republicans killing old folks and throwing children into Dickensian orphanages in order to frighten voters.  The problem for Donkey-Punchers is that it isn’t 1995.  There is no Newt Gingrich in the House popping off with weird future-boy proposals and smug unlikeability every five seconds.  John Boehner might be the oompa loompa with emotional issues, but Paul Ryan looks and sounds like a sensible guy.

Also, let’s see just how happy the Democrat Party are going to be when they tell American voters suffering through almost 9 percent unemployment that they need to cough up more money to the federal government.  Yeah, the people will love that.

Seen from those angles, this looks like he smart move.  The political sentiment of America is aligned to make this a victory for McConnell.  In fact, it’s such a no-brainer that I am sure some nervous nelly RINO dipshit will find a way to fuck it up.

I snagged this from a Memeorandum thread.

Posted in Domestic Happenings, Politicians behaving badly | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

Oil Blues For The Green Obama

Posted by KingShamus on April 28, 2011

David Harsanyi calls it like it is.

The left’s “energy” initiatives of the past decade — the entire purpose of energy policy, in fact — have been aimed at artificially driving fossil fuel prices up to incentivize the bitter clingers to embrace the government’s Utopian energy schemes. No secret has been made of it. In 2008, candidate Barack Obama was asked by CNBC’s John Harwood, “So could the (high) oil prices help us?” Obama: “I think that I would have preferred a gradual adjustment.” Sudden spikes are bad (politically speaking), but gradual price spikes? Helpful. That same year, current U.S. “Energy” Secretary (then just a zany professor) Steven Chu clarified that “somehow we have to figure out how to boost the price of gasoline to the levels in Europe.”

Translation: This administration wants to screw us.  Better still, they don’t just want to punish Americans for the nerve of having cars and plastic things and man-made heating sources in our homes and stuff.  No, they want to do all that while lying to folks that these draconian wallet-killing job-shedding measures will help the pwecious widdle delicate environment.

Hey American voters, can I ask ya’all something.  Before 2012, let’s try to put a brain wave or two together before voting.

Thanks, hopefully.

Posted in Domestic Happenings, Politicians behaving badly | Tagged: , , , , | 8 Comments »

Steampunk Dalek

Posted by KingShamus on April 27, 2011

I could talk about the stupid birther crap, but I already did that on Twitter today, so I don’t feel like it.  It’s almost depressing how bad President Obama sucks. 

No, let’s see a little goofiness.  Why look, there’s a steampunk Dalek!

I like it.

Too bad it’s not life sized.  :-(

Posted in Chuckles | Tagged: | 4 Comments »

Why Does Ezra Klein Hate Himself?

Posted by KingShamus on April 26, 2011

I ask because that’s the only reason I can figure why he pwns himself, then doubles down on stupid via his Twitter stream.

In a recent post at the Washington Post’s site, juicebox mafia capo Klein thinks he’s figured out who Barack Obama really is.

Perhaps this is just the logical endpoint of two years spent arguing over what Barack Obama is — or isn’t. Muslim. Socialist. Marxist. Anti-colonialist. Racial healer. We’ve obsessed over every answer except the right one: President Obama, if you look closely at his positions, is a moderate Republican from the early 1990s. And the Republican Party he’s facing has abandoned many of its best ideas in its effort to oppose him.

If you put aside the emergency measures required by the financial crisis, three major policy ideas have dominated American politics in recent years: a health-care plan that uses an individual mandate and tax subsidies to achieve near-universal coverage; a cap-and-trade plan that attempts to raise the prices of environmental pollutants to better account for their costs; and bringing tax rates up from their Bush-era lows as part of a bid to reduce the deficit. In each case, the position that Obama and the Democrats have staked out is the very position that moderate Republicans staked out in the early ’90s — and often, well into the 2000s.

It’s important to note just who is making this wack-job statement.  As noted by my new blog homie Proof, Ezra Klein was the founder of the junior high mutual zit-squeezing club Journolist.  The four hundred reporters, academics, professional liberals and assorted mouth breathers in the listserv were basically a wing of the Obama presidential campaign in 2008, with future Obambi Cabinet members to boot.  Needless to say, Klein has a serious intellectual interest in rehabilitating his teeny bopper fan boi crush’s political fortunes.

Now, let’s look at the 90’s era Republican’s ‘best ideas’.  The individual mandate that some Republicans championed back in the day was…and more importantly, is…unconstitutional.  I know Klein thinks the Constitution is just some old impossible to understand scrap of parchment, but when something is plainly unconstitutional that pretty much makes it a stupid idea, not a good one.

As for cap-n-trade, I don’t know if paid Washington Post journalist Ezra Klein has been keeping up with current events, but anthropogenic climate change has been revealed to be a fraud.  C&T was a policy cooked up in response to fears of global warming caused by man-made carbon dioxide emissions.  Why would Republicans keep advocating a policy that supposedly solves a problem that does not in fact exist?

Finally, we get to Klein lauding President George HW Bush for raising taxes.  Ezra pats Pappy on the back for ‘getting the job done’ on the 1990 budget deal in his original piece.  Funny thing is that Klein never really specifies how these tax hikes were successful, either as policy or politics.  He just sorta says they are and moves on.

When confronted about the shakiness of his ‘Republican raises taxes = epic win’ theory, Klein has a ready retort:

This is the part when you realize that debating Ezra Klein is like having  a discussion with Barry Bonds about the dangers of performance enhancing drugs.  No, it’s even worse than that.  It’s like debating a pre-med student on specific techniques and methods involved in neurosurgery.  The dude is simply in way over his head. 

How did Bush the Elder get wacked for raising taxes?  For one thing, Bill Clinton hammered him for it in campaign ads.

That ad was a staple of Clinton’s 1992 campaign.  What makes the spot so effective–and what Ezra Klein simply cannot grasp–is that HW Bush’s raising taxes gave Clinton ammunition that didn’t just wound the President, but also damaged the Republican brand on a critical everyday checkbook issue.  Why does Klein think people vote for the GOP anyway if not because of tax policy?  It must be for the Republican’s famous snappy fashion sense and party-hearty attitude [sarc/].

The best part of Klein’s journey into fail is when he is again confronted with his stunning lack of understanding, he resorts to the lamest of rhetorical evasions and promptly moves the goalposts.  But hey, far be it from me to point out how badly his argument is falling apart.  Let’s let Klein’s own source, that he dutifully pointed out, do it for us.

If politicians are not rewarded at the polls for the choices they make, don’t expect other politicians to make similar choices. 

What exactly are we dealing with here?  Klein brings up a political period from the recent past.  It’s not like it’s a hundred years ago, when the issues and characters involved are far removed from our current context.  Nor are we talking about particularly deep or convoluted political theory.  No, this stuff is pretty easy to understand.

Which makes me believe that Ezra Klein is not just another overpaid undersmart liberal.  By producing such an elementary amateurish piece–and then digging further down into the proverbial hole–it’s clear Klein is a masochist.

Posted in Media Silliness | Tagged: , , , | 6 Comments »

Now that’s one brave German chick

Posted by KingShamus on April 26, 2011

Courtesy of Eric Dondero of the rad Libertarian Republican blog.  Watch the video.

This girl knows these Salafist dickstains are the ideological heirs to Hitler.  Why can’t some of our smart set see the patently obvious?

Posted in Foreign doings | Tagged: , , | 8 Comments »

Wanna Demoralize The Left? Start With Denormalizing Them

Posted by KingShamus on April 25, 2011

Ace had a great post the other day that I meant to talk about, but I didn’t get to it.  Well, I’m getting to it now.

Here’s the money chunk.

…And at universities, in the pseudo-sciences, they are constantly attempting to “explain” conservative thinking as a type of cognitive dysfunction. Not willing to give into the faddish and ephemeral? Ah, well, a part of your brain is too small and won’t let you sample “new experiences.”

Note the normative assumption always packed into these claims: That the conservative brain is “too small” as compared to the liberal brain, defined as normative; the conservative measure represents a deviation away from the assumed norm while the liberal trait is privileged as the norm, or if not the norm, then the ideal.

No pseudo-scientist every finds that liberals have a bigger amygdala (or whatever) and are therefore “too open to new experiences” (a.k.a. too trendy, too faddish, too ephemeral in one’s sense of self). None of these guys ever says the liberal trait represents a deviation from the norm or ideal — no, they’re always the norm or idea. It’s always the conservative’s traits that need to be “explained” as a psychological defect or an actual defect with their physical brain structure.

Yeah, you should definitely read the whole thing.

That denormalizing process of conservatives and conservatism Ace talked about has been going on for a long time.  To pick just one example, think about guns.  For most of America’s history, gun ownership wasn’t really debated all that much.  It was only relatively recently that the Left got the bright idea to limit gun ownership amongst law-abiding citizens. 

A key part of the anti-gun strategy was to denormalize the idea of firearms.  Guns weren’t just supposed to be severely curtailed in the general population.  They were weirdo objects for strange people.  Whether it was geographic arguments (“Southerners are all gun nuts, of course”) or class justifications (“The uneducated are the only ones people who still have guns”) the goal was the same.  In fact, lefties were so hell bent on making guns abnormal they faked at least one scholar-researched book to make it look like America didn’t have widespread gun ownership in it’s history.

In general, the Left has had some success in making conservatism seem strange.  At the very least, they’ve reinforced amongst themselves the ‘Right=Alien’ arguments they always make.  For committed progressives, conservatives are not just political rivals anymore.  They’re the Other.

The thing is, the hard Left doesn’t make up a majority of American citizens.  Break it down on a state-by-state basis.  Even where they make up the largest percentage of voters, they don’t make up a majority.  From those perspectives, it’s pretty easy to see just how marginal the liberal ideology is in America.

Conservatives should take this vulnerability on the Left–specifically, their lack of numbers– and use it against them.  More importantly, how about we examine and highlight their own behavior.  For your viewing pleasure, courtesy of No One Of Any Import, are some lefty protestors barking at a recent Tea Party rally.

Blinkered, moronic and as charming as athlete’s foot ?  Where’s the sign-up sheet for that?

Lefties insist that they are the sane, logical and normal ones.  

Yeah, that dude is totally playing with a full deck.

Before we get too cocky, liberals have a few advantages.  They still control the MSM and they can still get some progged-up professors to create ‘science’ to prove their ideological biases.  These are no small things.  They can dupe a lot of the politically uncommitted folks out there.

However, conservatives have distinct advantages of our own. As stated before, the voter identification numbers are on our side.  Best of all, any time the Left goes out in public, they behave like the complete oddballs that they really are.  It shouldn’t be too hard to make liberals seem strange–because they are strange.  

Seriously, you have a group of people that are cool with one of their own shouting that he wipes his ass with the American flag every night.  Now that’s definitely a little bit of hyperbole on his part, but the fact remains that homeboy’s peers were copacetic with his sentiment that the American flag should be disrespected early and often.  Just a reminder:  THIS IS NOT NORMAL.

The Right can score legislative victories.  They can win elections.  But in order to really make inroads they have to start beating back progressive culture.  That means pointing out just how alien their ideology is when compared with the mainstream of American political thought.

ALSO:  Here’s the great RS McCain with a story about another Lefty weirdo.  How weird are we talking about here?  How’s about possible jail time sound? 

Seriously, click the link.

Posted in Domestic Happenings | Tagged: , , , | 11 Comments »

Music Monday Hair Metal – “Still of The Night” by Whitesnake

Posted by KingShamus on April 25, 2011

Say, did you want some well-aged cheese?  No?  Well, you’re getting it anyway.

Whitesnake was lead singer David Coverdale’s Led Zeppelin fantasy rock band league.  The thing is that people in the 80’s wanted the mighty Zep back so bad that they were willing to put up with LZ drag acts in lieu of the real thing.  Mash that up with the glam metal excess of the times and you get the ‘Snake.

As easy it is to laugh at Tawny Kitaen’s sex kitten act, the band’s spandex leggings and the the cock-centric rock dude stage moves, if you break down the music, it’s surprisingly complex for a hard rock song.  The main riff is pretty rad to be perfectly honest.  The bridge is thumpy too.  All in all, it’s not bad.

Some More:  The problem with this music for me is that when I was growing up, hair metal was king of the airwaves.  MTV played it a lot too, so even if you didn’t like it, it was in your face a great deal of the time.  The record companies were promoting the glammy bands as the default rock position; like…this was what rock was going to be–with some slight deviations here and there–for forever. 

As I was growing up and hanging out with my dad, I was listening to a lot of older rock stuff like Led Zeppelin, Mountain, David Bowie, Black Sabbath and Cream.  At the same time, I was discovering newer bands like Faith No More, Slayer, Ministry and Godflesh.  To me, none of the 80’s hair bands sounded nearly as cool as the weakest songs on Houses of The Holy, Climbing!, Reign In Blood or The Real Thing.

Now that a lot of time has passed, I can see the kitsch quality and humor behind some of the hair bands.  While a lot of the those guys were pretty stone-faced, most of them made their music without taking themselves too seriously.  The other thing is that I can now see some of the great guitar work that a lot of these groups produced.  I’m not talking about the soloists, many of whom seemed to be recording their scale exercises so they could blow Yngwie Malmsteen at the next Massive Douchetool Guitar Player Jag-off Competition.  No, I’m talking about the riffs.  “Still Of The Night” is just one example of a tremendous rock riff that jams regardless of the cheese quotient of the band.

So am I proud of my guilty pleasures?  Not necessarily.  But can I own up to liking some of the hair farmer bands’ material?  Yes.

Just don’t expect any Bon Jovi any time soon.  Fuck those guys.  They suck.

Posted in Music Monday | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »

Sheriff Joe Arpaio-Genius?

Posted by KingShamus on April 24, 2011

I’ll keep it simple: Mugshot of the Day.

I know what you’re thinking.  Katrina Bree Dierx is ‘dangerous’ in a Caged Heat kind of way.  But this ain’t no simple shoplifter or meth scab.  No no, Gentle Reader, this little philly is in the clink for first degree murder.  So no, I’m not voting for the gal.

Nah, I like Allen Bryant in this little cavalcade of scars.  I’ve never seen an afro comb over gone so wonderfully awry. 

Go ahead over to Sheriff Joe’s site and tell them you want to a Mugshot Of The Week contest.

Posted in Domestic Happenings | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

Detroit-The Eternal Punchline of The Leftist Mind

Posted by KingShamus on April 22, 2011

Maggie of her eponymously named Notebook finds yet another phreaky phun phoible from the Motorless City.

The always dreadfully broke city of Detroit, Michigan is busy closing neighborhood libraries but purchased “European Deck Chairs” for their newly renovated main library at a cost of $1,092 each.

The South Wing is stocked with 20 yellow and orange European lounge chairs that cost $1,092 apiece, artistic pendant light fixtures and two alcohol-burning fireplaces. The project morphed from a $300,000 furniture update to a $2.3 million overhaul with new floors, study rooms, lighting and built-in, wood-framed book shelves….

It’s not the only spending to come under question as the system considers closing up to 18 of 23 branches and laying off as many as 191 of 333 workers. A Detroit News review showed that, since 2008, the library has paid at least $160,000 to food vendors, including $1,760 at an ice-cream shop, and spent $1 million on 6 percent raises to union workers at a time counterparts in City Hall took 10 percent pay cuts.

Jeeeeeeeeeeeebus.

How much do want to bet that when the excrement impacts against the spinning blades of doom, Detroit big-wigs will be the first pigs muscling up to the federal trough squealing for a bail-out?

Pathetic.

Beyond that, here’s what I cannot wrap my mind around.

What do the Democrat/progressives say to Motown voters in order to keep getting elected?  I’m sure they say lots of nice things about themselves and how much they care and how much they’re going to for the  people.  More importantly, I’m certain the liberal leaders of Detroit demonize conservatives and Republicans for the usual racism/sexism/poor-bashing sins elements of the Right are always accused of.  Because one thing is for sure: If  voters elect Republicans, Detroit will turn from the great urban paradise it is now to a stinking cesspool of filth, economic misery, corruption and rampant social pathology.  [sarc/]

Motown has had a Democrat mayor since 1962.  They are considered by some sources to be the most liberal city in America.  What does this city have to show for that canine devotion to the Left?  Bankrupt schools, absurdly high levels of crime and rampant political malfeasance for starters. 

Maggie is right to note the galactically retarded idea that a city would spend nearly $11oo a piece for seating at a library.  This speaks of a leadership culture so corrupted by kickbacks and payoffs that paying psychotic amounts of money for chairs is just business-as-usual.  As it stands now, there is probably no hope of a recovery in the Motor City.   

Or maybe I’m wrong.  Detroit today is the poster child for American urban blight with a list of horribles associated with the city that is longer than the Old Testament.  The thing is that even with all that, Motown has some things going for it.  It still has a decent climate and an advantageous geographic location.  More importantly, it has a population that could perhaps be led down a different path if given the right leadership. 

The electorate has seen fifty years of malevolent incompetence.  They have an intimate knowledge of the crushing failure that is modern liberalism.  If there was some public figure that could educate the public about the vast record of fail that the Democrats have racked up over the years and put forth a compelling alternative to what Detroit is now, the city could be saved from it’s death spiral.

Before Rudy Giuliani, people believed that New York City could not be tamed.  The urban decay that characterized the Big Apple from the 60’s to the 90’s was supposed to be simply accepted as the natural order of things.  Further, a Republican wasn’t supposed to be able to win a city-wide election against the entrenched Democratic machine.  Instead, America’s mayor won two elections, kicked a whole lot of criminal ass and made New York into a place where human beings could actually eke out a decent existence.

If an urban renaissace can happen in the once violent stupid decaying shit hole that was New York City, it’s not impossible to think something similar could happen in the currently violent stupid decaying shit hole that is Detroit.

Posted in Domestic Happenings | Tagged: , , , | 11 Comments »

Find The Perfect Baseball Team To Root For!

Posted by KingShamus on April 22, 2011

Baseball season is well and truly on it’s way now.  The Mets have settled into their usual patterns of overpaid bumbling charmless incompetence.  Both the Reds and the Indians are doing surprisingly well to start the season.  The Phillies just win and the Red Sox just lose.    

But have you been confused by all the teams and mascots and uniforms and what-not that is associated with major league baseball?  Have you ever wished that some kind of handy-dandy flow chart would tell you which team you should root for? Well, you’ve come to the right place.  Check this shizznit out.  If it comes out too small, just click on the pic to make it bigger.

Sadly, it seems like I have no soul.  But that might not be your outcome.  Go ahead.  Find out how horrible you and your team are today!  Post your particular brand of lameness in the comments, then laugh at everybody else’s douchey team.  Trash talk is encouraged; nay it is obligatory.

Thanks to my homie Brian, who hooked me up with this all while getting repeatedly shot in the head with paintballs a few weeks back.  Muchas gracias, sir.  You are a better man than I.

Posted in Chuckles | Tagged: , , | 7 Comments »

Rehabing Syria’s First Dictatorial Lady

Posted by KingShamus on April 21, 2011

Our new blog homie Sitting On The Edge Of The Sandbox brings us news on Asma al-Assad, the First Lady of Syria.  Specifically, Vogue Magazine did a happy little profile on Chinless Bashar’s wife.  There’s a lot of clap-trap to sort through in the Vogue piece, so I’ll just snag the quote Edge used. 

In the Saint Paul orphanage, maintained by the Melkite–Greek Catholic patriarchate and run by the Basilian sisters of Aleppo, Asma sits at a long table with the children. […]

Back in the car, I ask what religion the orphans are. “It’s not relevant,” says Asma al-Assad. “Let me try to explain it to you. That church is a part of my heritage because it’s a Syrian church. The Umayyad Mosque is the third-most-important holy Muslim site, but within the mosque is the tomb of Saint John the Baptist. We all kneel in the mosque in front of the tomb of Saint John the Baptist. That’s how religions live together in Syria—a way that I have never seen anywhere else in the world. We live side by side, and have historically. All the religions and cultures that have passed through these lands—the Armenians, Islam, Christianity, the Umayyads, the Ottomans—make up who I am.”

Wow.  That’s a beautiful kumbaya moment.  The open-mindedness on display here is heart-warming.  Obviously, this statement of tolerance is of a piece with the mindset of the entire Assad Regime Hugs-n-Kisses Joy Boner Fun Zone.

Thousands of demonstrators in Syrian cities hit the streets after Friday prayers in another week of anti-government rallies, angry but largely peaceful outpourings of protest against the Bashar al-Assad regime.

The gatherings come as a prominent humanitarian watchdog group issued a report detailing “torture and ill-treatment” of protesters over the past month, and U.N. human rights experts released a statement deploring the crackdown on peaceful demonstrations.

Detainees arrested during the protests told Human Rights Watch that officers from the intelligence services, or the Mukhabarat, beat them during arrests and in detention. They saw beatings of dozens of detainees, including children, and “heard screams of people being beaten.”

See?  Just like I said.  There is so much tolerance going on in Syria that it hurts.

Knowing just how brutal and repressive the Assad kleptocracy is, why the hell is Vogue Magazine doing puff pieces on Bashar’s wife?  I don’t recall Vogue doing multipage interviews with Saddam Hussein’s wives.  What gives here?

Well, for one thing, Asma al-Assad speaks English.  In fact, she was born and raised in England after her family emigrated out of Syria.  For the multi-culti leftism of an Anna Wintour-run magazine, it’s a big help that Syria’s dictatorette talks the same language as the interviewer.

But that’s just a side benefit.  The main reason why Asma gets the softball treatment is because she’s cute and she’s a fashionista who wears expensive clothes.  Who cares if Mrs. Assad stays in shape by roughing up political prisoners in a Damascus dungeon?  She looks great, doesn’t she?  I’m sure it’ll be the workout program du jour for all the beautiful people.   

More seriously, it seems pretty clear that Vogue really doesn’t give a shit if Asma al-Assad can afford all those top designer outfits only because her husband is a Baathist goon who has robbed his country to pad his personal wealth.  I guess that tragic fact is of no concern to Vogue.  It only matters that this pretty little fascist says all the right PC platitudes.

Also, and this might be sorta douchey on my part, but she’s not even the prettiest Middle Eastern First Lady out there.  If you want a real beauty in a position of power from an Arab country, I give you the one and only Queen Rania of Jordan.

 

 

 

I told you so.

Posted in Foreign doings, Media Silliness, The Posts of Morale | Tagged: , , , , , | 11 Comments »

Important Chicken-Related News!

Posted by KingShamus on April 21, 2011

Manhattan Infidel reports that the poultry we Americans count on for sustenance are down in the dumps.

Despite having unfettered access to roam around, there are reports of a dramatic decrease in morale among free range chickens.

 ”They used to strut around.  Now many of them just sit there, staring into space.  Some of them have started listening to jazz and writing beatnik poetry” according to one farmer who runs a chicken ranch.

The dining experience of many has suffered as a result.

“I used to always demand free range chicken when I went to a restaurant” said one frequent diner.  “Free range chicken just tastes happier than regular chicken.  I know that the chicken I am eating was content and stress free before his head was chopped off and his entrails packaged for consumption.”

To read more about the Great Pullet Buzkill of 2011, click the link.  With your help, maybe we can raise awareness about why our chicken friends are so so sad.

Posted in Chuckles | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

4/20, Stoners, Legalization

Posted by KingShamus on April 20, 2011

I give you the origin of 4/20.  It’s on UrbanDictionary.com, so it must be true. 

4:20 was the designated time for a small group of smokers at San Rafael High School in California to meet at a specific location and light up. The number originates some time around 1971. It has since been adopted by smokers the world over as the “universal time to get high.”

All I know is that stoners pretty much stink.

I know some of ya’all get baked every once in a while.  I’m not hatin’ on you guys.  It’s not my thing, but if you’re an adult, I really can’t go nuts.  The occasional smokers don’t annoy me too much.  No, I’m talking about the type of dudes who say ‘four-twenty!’ unironically, the wake-n-bake aficionados and the earnest “Pineapple Express” reanactors.  These people are pathetic.

The most annoying thing about the devoted dope smoker is the fake happy bullshit they spin.  When things are going fine, your typical smoker will compose sonnets to their eternal devotion to you.  The phrase “Yo anything you need. I got yer back,  bro”, is always just a hit away with these guys.  The minute shit jumps off is right around the same time your average cannabis enthusiast is complaining about how car trouble, scheduling conflicts, community service obligations or, like, ummm, yeah, whatevs is stopping him from helping you out of your particular jam.

Will legalized pot lead to more people turning into mary jane inspired doucherockets?  I dunno.  But why take the chance?

In any case, here’s some Cypress Hill just to help ya’all ponder legalized weed. (Needless to say, Not Safe For Work Or Little Kids)

Posted in Domestic Happenings | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

Smells Like Teen Spirit at 20 Years Old

Posted by KingShamus on April 19, 2011

On April 17th 1991, Nirvana debuted what would become their breakthrough hit.

Yeah…’raw’ doesn’t seem adequate when describing this.

Anyway, this is the song that propelled Kurt Cobain, Krist Noveselic and Dave Grohl from small time clubs and dive bars to international stardom.  For a brief period in the early 90’s, Nirvana was the most important band on the planet.  Their sound was copied by hordes of less talented acts.  Members of the music media were pronouncing Kurt Cobain the voice of a generation. 

Naturally, a person as damaged and unstable as Cobain couldn’t take the pressures of fame for very long.  His descent into heroin addiction and then finally suicide was as tragic as it was inevitable.  As someone once said (sorry can’t remember who), nobody expected Kurt to live to a ripe old age.

The saddest thing is that, if Cobain was able to somehow pull himself out of his death spiral, he might’ve seen just how fleeting fame truly is.  Cobain could’ve easily given up his notoriety.  Grow a beard.  Go to the South Pacific.  Hell, just stop putting out records.  Any one of those things  probably would’ve been good enough to knock him off the fame roller coaster in no time. Instead, he kept running on the media treadmill, with terrible results.

Even more tragic is how Cobain would’ve handled today’s music scene.  Think about how songs are delivered and listened to by fans.  The current IPod-driven pop format has greatly subdivided the listening audience.  As nuts as it might sound, if Nirvana had been able to stick around perhaps they would’ve gotten lost in the shuffle of Ke$ha, Usher and Kings of Leon.  Would Cobain’s music be strong enough to have the same kind of cultural impact today as it did in 1991?

Posted in The Social Scene | Tagged: , , , , , | 10 Comments »

Music Monday Wallet Shrinkage – “Taxman” by The Beatles

Posted by KingShamus on April 18, 2011

Was George Harrison the ‘Smart Beatle’?  Or was this written before the LSD rotted homeboy’s brain? 

Whatever.  It’s a great song and more timely than ever.

Just for shits and giggles, check out this comforting thought.

It is now mathematically impossible for the U.S. government to pay off the U.S. national debt. You see, the truth is that the U.S. government now owes more dollars than actually exist. If the U.S. government went out today and took every single penny from every single American bank, business and taxpayer, they still would not be able to pay off the national debt. And if they did that, obviously American society would stop functioning because nobody would have any money to buy or sell anything.

And the U.S. government would still be massively in debt.

Enjoy your coming financial apocalypse!

Posted in Music Monday | Tagged: , , , , , | 9 Comments »

The Babes Of “Fast Five”

Posted by KingShamus on April 16, 2011

The latest epic masterpiece from the two great thespians of our time, Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, is finally here.  Fast Five continues the story of the last four Fast and Furious films and it promises action, hot cars, thrills and all the wooden dialogue delivered in a gravelly monotone from ‘roided up meatheads you can handle. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m stoked.

Really, it won’t be as bad as all that.  These movies don’t pretend to be turgid Harold Pinter character studies, so you really can’t hate on them being kinda dumb.  I rail on Vin Diesel sometimes, but the guy is utterly believable as a criminal goon.  If the point of acting is to convince the audience that a character is who he says he is in the film, then Diesel is perfect in these flicks.  Paul Walker looks like a Gap model more than an actor, but even his stilted clunky performance seems to work in the Fast-n-Furious setting.

So go to Fast Five, I say.  Watch it on it’s own terms.  If it ends up sucking, it’ll be because it doesn’t work as an action/caper flick, not because it isn’t The Seventh Seal

Anyhoo, the best part of  the Fast series isn’t the cars.  The stories barely exist, so they can’t be the big draw.  It ain’t the action sequences either.  No, it’s the babes.  Without any further half-assed movie critic throat-clearing, bring on the chicks.

Jordana Brewster

 

Elsa Pataky

 

 

Gal Gadot

 

Okee-dokee, homies.  That’s it for now.  Enjoy the hotties!

Posted in The Posts of Morale | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

Chicks With Steve Buscemeyes-The RESULTS!

Posted by KingShamus on April 15, 2011

Well kids, the results of Wednesday’s skin-crawlingly awesome contest are in.

Only Fleeceme was brave enough to make a guess on all of them.  Homeboy’s military training probably helped here.  MK took a stab, which turned out to be correct, but the creep factor seemed to whip his ass a little bit.  Most of you took the zero on this contest/endurance test. Really, I can’t blame you; this was some pretty ookie shit.  For those of you who commented, here’s your prize.

Without any further ado, here are the answers.

 

She kissed a girl and she liked it, but she’s not scoring any tail–male or female–with Buscemi’s peepers.  That’s right, this is Katy Perry.

strangely enough, Steve Buscemeyes are this gal’s signature look after a night of binge drinking/coke parties/meth binges.  How about a round of applause for everybody’s favorite Hollywood fallen angel, Lindsey Lohan.

Million Dollar Baby?  Not quite.  This is Hillary Swank, but not as we normally know her. 

This one was relatively easy.  This gal’s tom-boy buzzcut look is a big clue, even with the Buscemeyes treatment.  Ladies and gents, I give you Pink.

She’s hung out with The Professional,  Mr. Magorium and Darth Vader but her Buscemeyes make this normally hot chick into a geriatric old maid.  That’s right, it’s Natalie Portman.

This was a little bit of a toughie if you weren’t into the urban music scene.  It turns out the BDKS readership doesn’t listen to trashtastic record company manufactured hip-hop–thank God.  If you did, you’d know that this was the overrated undertalented Nikki Minaj.  If you think about it, ya’all passed this part of the test by failing.  Nice work.  ;-p 

Finally, this Disney tween queen seems to be suffering from a severe case of sleep deprivation; like 20 years worth by the looks of it.  I give you Selena Gomez.

By my reckoning, it looks like Fleeceme got five out of seven correct.  MK got one right.  Everybody else ran for the hills. 

Fleeceme, you are the winner!

Since I cannot give Fleeceme an e-High Five–as I said, that shit don’t exist because we don’t have the technology yet so stop asking me for one–I’ll have to go with the next best thing.  Here is Fleeceme’s latest blog post:

I think most reasonable people can agree, if the mainstream press did its job during the 2008 elections, Obama would not be President right now.  I’m not saying John McCain would be.  Most likely it would be Hillary Clinton.  This fact has lead many people to wonder why the Clintons, the darlings of the mainstream media until the primary season of 2007, were so unceremoniously dumped by the industry that loved them so?

The answer lies in how the majority of the press views themselves in society, it is quite different than how we view them.  Most of us hold a view of the “newsman” as some fast talking, fedora sporting seeker of the “story” as portrayed in movies from the 40’s and 50’s.  He might not have the best scruples, but his goal was to break the story, to get at the truth behind something that just didn’t add up.  Even in later iterations, like Woodward and Bernstein, portrayed in the movie All the President’s Men, this conceptual view of the newsman remains unchanged – Redford and Hoffman were valiant, courageous explorers, risking life and professional limb to “get the story”.  The true story, not the story as they saw it.

Read the rest of the piece.  He does a nice job with this.

Specifically, I like his riff on the press’ studied contrarianism.  Conservatives know the press sucks.  They kinda know what causes some of the MSM’s massive suckitude.  Fleeceme takes on some of these ideas from a different angle, with cool results.  Like I said,  read the whole thing.

Well, that’s it for now folks.  Thanks for playing this horrible game.  Keep on trucking ya’all and keep a close watch for any famous hotties with really strange eyes.

Posted in Domestic Happenings, The Social Scene | Tagged: , , , | 8 Comments »

Why Blacks And Hispanics Are Bailing On Obama

Posted by KingShamus on April 14, 2011

Mickey Kaus has a theory.  Well, a few of them to be specific.

Why is Obama’s Support Slipping Among Blacks and Latinos? Gallup seems dumbfounded. Fernandez says inflation is beginning to bite. Malcolm suspects a general case of scales-falling-from-eyes. I nominate … [unions?-ed] … comprehensive immigration reform. When Obama pushes for it he alienates blacks. When he fails to achieve it he alienates Latinos. He’s done both. … The timing of the drop (in March) doesn’t support this explanation. But timing’s often off, no? The trend seems to be there. …

Comprehensive immigration reform might be part of it.

But I think it’s even more basic than all that.

Just to refresh your memories, here is the one and only Peggy Joseph in October 2008. 

Barack Obama was a living breathing wish-fulfillment fantasy for a lot of his black and white supporters.  By supporting St. Barry many crackers expected that, at the very least, racial tensions in America would start to ratchet down.  More selfishly–and this is just a pet theory of mine–white Obama voters believed that they’d be getting racial kool-kid cred because their preferred candidate was not of the Caucasian persuasion.  That double rainbow racial healing moment?  Yeah…not so much.

The thing is, it wasn’t just the melanin-challenged who thought they were going to get something tangible out of Obama’s election.  As Peggy Joseph’s breathless fan-girl act suggests, black folk convinced themselves that Barack Obama was going to take care of them.  To what extent did African-Americans think they were going to benefit from Zero’s beneficence?  Apparently, nothing less than womb to the tomb.

How has the HopeyChangeness worked out for black people?  Try 15.1% unemployment amongst African-Americans.  Thirty percent of abortions are performed on black women.  No jobs, no future.  Barack Obama sure has a funny way of taking care of black people.

As far as falling Latino support for President Pitch-n-Putt goes, I haven’t really wrapped my head around that one.  But black disillusionment with ‘their’ president is easy to spot.  It turns out that an overindulgent welfare state on meth is a raw deal, even when a brother is the dude running it.

Posted in Domestic Happenings | Tagged: , , | 15 Comments »

Taking Steve Buscemi Fandom To A Whole New Level

Posted by KingShamus on April 13, 2011

A lot of times, johnny-one-note blogs (“Unlike yours, right KS?,” says my sarcastic friend looking over my shoulder as I type this) are kinda boring.  But Chicks With Steve Buscemeyes is fairly creepy and interesting.  What is that, ask?  Well, naturally, it’s pictures of famous girls with photochopped Steve Buscemi eyes thrown on for a hilariously strange effect.

So here’s the game.  I throw some random chicks with Steve Buscemeyes at you.  You have to guess who they are before getting totally weirded out by these vaguely unnerving pics.  We’re going by the honor system, so don’t click the link to cheat.  The winner will be the one who gets the most guesses right.  In the event of a draw, I will pick the winner using a baffling convoluted and totally unfair tie-breaker formula.  The victor will receive a free e-high five from me, KingShamus!

(Note: There Is No Such Thing As An e-High Five.)

Ready?

 WHO WILL WIN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Posted in Chuckles | Tagged: , | 10 Comments »

 
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