#WhyIsMyPaycheckLessThisWeek–Helping Soothe Liberal Hurt Feelings
Posted by KingShamus on January 4, 2013
Turns out lefties are freaked out about paying their fair share.
I mean, PAYING THEIR FAIR SHARE!!!!111111!!!111!!!!
Earlier this week, many Americans realized the “fair share” fiscal cliff deal didn’t seem so fair. One Democratic Underground commenter was a little behind yesterday and was shocked — shocked! — to learn that the fiscal cliff crapwich didn’t extend the payroll tax holiday. (They don’t call ‘em DUmmies for nothing.)
“What happened?” he asked. “My paycheck just went down by an amount that I don’t feel comfortable with. I guarantee this decrease will hurt me more than the increase in income taxes will hurt those making over $400,000.”
Forgive me gentle readers, but let me address this emotionally distraught person directly.
Dear Mister Why Is My Paycheck Less This Week,
I see that you are surprised to note that your paycheck is less than it was back in 2012. Let me first say that I too mourn for your lost revenue. It is money that you will most likely never see again, what with the annual trillion dollar deficits our government–completely dominated as it is by the US House Republicans I must add–just keeps running up.
But do not worry. There is a bulwark against the GOP’s destructive maddening destructiveness. President Obama, with his bountiful business experience as a community organizer, adjunct part-time college lecturer, lawyer and Chicago politician, knows best how to use your cash better than you ever could. In the glorious future ahead of us, we can all look forward to more great job-creating wage-raising successes like Solyndra, Abound Solar and A123 Systems.
As a good Democrat, you’ll be happy to know your President is using your money for many other important investments. Such as the Guantanamo Bay detention center. And drone strikes. And giving guns to Mexican freedom fighters or something. So feel comfortable knowing that while revenues have been raised from you and many other kind-hearted liberals like you, these funds are being well spent on things that you truly agree with.
Now, there will be those outside of the totally mainstream Democratic Underground message board who will disagree with this obvious wisdom. They will tell you that by voting for President Obama, you have in fact chosen to pay higher taxes and thus you should not be surprised to see a lighter paycheck. They’ll assert, while smoking a cigar and kicking a puppy no doubt, that our President actually wants higher taxes. The fascist wreckers in our society believe Obama sought out a higher payroll tax as part of the fiscal cliff deal.
This is obviously not true, as I have succinctly pointed out to you.