Wait, Faster Than Light Travel Isn’t Hip in Science Fiction Anymore?

Dustbury alerts me–and thus all of you–to this very unexpected trend.

You might think that science fiction that disallows such counterfactual stuff as faster-than-light travel is more scientifically rigorous, therefore better for us, in basically the same sense that wheat germ is better for us than a Wendy’s Double. Lynn has a problem with that — the SF convention, I mean:

One thing I have a problem with is the “no hyperspace” rule. I don’t think science fiction necessarily needs to be 100 percent plausible. Was Star Trek 100 percent plausible? Hardly. But it inspired a generation to support space exploration and invent things like cell phones. FTL ships are vehicles for the imagination and it saddens me that many writers have abandoned them and consider themselves smarter for doing so. To me that’s just another brand of pessimism.

I can appreciate Neal Stephenson’s objections to this sort of thing — rigid adherence to stock SF tropes is a really effective way to produce stiff-sounding stories that no one likes — but I’m not about to declare myself unalterably opposed to FTL.

There are a lot of different sorts of science fiction, so having a story where faster than light travel is impossible can make sense in the right context.  Much of the bleak paranoid atmosphere in “2001″ (both the book and movie for that matter) was grounded in the idea that the astronauts couldn’t just warp over to Jupiter.  Because the Discovery was basically a conventional rocket-propelled ship, it took a long time for the crew to reach the alien monolith.

The sense of isolation and dread would’ve been lost if Stanley Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke opted to make their vessel travel beyond the speed of light.  In the movie, the distances the astronauts travelled would be considered immense if taken at rocket speeds, but miniscule if the Discovery were able to go faster than light.  It could be argued that in the film version of ”2001″, the most memorable character was all those millions of miles that separated Dave Bowman and Franke Poole from the safety of Earth.  That huge distance, which required such long periods of time to cross, was a wordless but constant presence within the film.

There are all kinds of speculative fiction stories–even ones that involve space travel–that can be made without faster than light travel.  As “2001″ shows, a space travel tale that uses slower than light speeds can be ground-breaking and very effective.  But if you’re doing Star Wars/Star Trek type of stuff, I dunno how you can make that work if the characters don’t have access to some kind of faster than light travel.  If you’re a writer and you’re sending your character across the galaxy, what kind of distances are we dealing with about here?

The Power Of Tens–made back in the 70′s–gives us a pretty good idea.

Tha Milky Way is approximately 120,000 light years across.  That means that a beam of light that starts at one end of the galaxy would take about 120,000 years to cross over to the opposite side.  A ship that even came close to the speed of light would still take over four years just to reach a relatively close star like Proxima Centauri.  Getting much beyond our stellar neighborhood would take decades or even centuries.  That doesn’t even take into account things like cosmic radiation, bone loss and a lot of the serious negative effects that happen when the human body is in space for extended periods of time.

Not allowing faster than light travel in a piece of science fiction might be more realistic, but then again its science fiction we’re talking about here.  Lightsabers, the weirding way and Daleks are all really cool.  None of them exist in the real world.  In fact, most of those things are theoretically impossible except within the confines of the most exotic scientific theories.

We tend to put up with the trappings and tropes of the genre–pulse rifles, flying cars, powered armor exoskeletons and yes, faster than light travel–because the creators of speculative fiction have made them plausible in the context of the particular fictional universe they’ve created.  When done well, audiences and readers will  fill in the blanks with some handy-dandy suspension of disbelief.  Mix it all together and presto–a totally unrealistic chunk of the story is basically accepted by the folks reading the book or watching the show.  Why faster than light travel is doesn’t make sense when people put up with all the other whacked-out goofy and just plain stupid crap in science fiction is a mystery to me.

More:  Just for shits and giggles, here’s the Power of Tens, set to music.

Out of Gas; No Posts For The Evening

Sorry guys.

Rough week at work, haven’t gotten a lot of sleep, using sentence fragments to express myself.

Yeah, I’m kinda shot.

I might be on teh Twitterz for a bit, but then I’m calling it a day.

I’ll also do better visiting my homies on their sites.  Like I said, it’s been a little taxing these past few days.

Okay, since I suck today I may as well post something cool.  Here’s one of the best Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes ever.

“If the first ten minutes are any indication, this movie’s gonna blow!”

Nighty-night, homies.  See you later.

UPDATE:  Folks, this week just will not end.  I’ve got a lot of work to do, so I’ll have to catch up with ya’all later.

Sorry I suck at this blogging.

The Exclusive Doctor ObamaCare Interview

You’ve seen “The Sick Cents”  movie trailer.

You’ve seen ”The Sick Cents” movie poster. 

Before you watch the flick, starring the lovely and talented Melody Tally, why not read the e-mail interview I did with the movie’s creator, Mr. Glenn Troy Morton?  Mr. Morton just wants to make some minor reforms to the American health care system, like obliterating the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act and replacing it with something that actually works.

Sounds like a plan to me.

When not portraying the nefarious Dr. ObamaCare, Mr. Morton is actually a mild-mannered guy with a lot of insights into the mess we’ve gotten into, as well as some ideas about how to get back to some kind of sanity when it comes to our medical care.

KingShamus:  First of all, how did you get THE Herman Cain to get struck by lightning and turned into a crispy skeleton?

Glenn Troy Morton:  He was speaking at a Tea Party Rally in public. He didn’t pose for it or anything )

He saw me when I was there. Pointed to me and nodded in my direction. That was such an awesome day. We got mobbed while we were there, and the reaction was mostly positive, even though The Gateway Pundit thought we were nutty. Everyone saw Dr. Obamacare with the film crew: a filmmaker AND guy from the Occupy movement holding up a 4ft. x5ft. sign with Dr. Obamacare’s face on it. No one knew Mr. Cain was down to his last 9-9-9 ).

KS:  Hey, a fortuitous bit of good luck is never a bad thing.  What was your initial inspiration for Doctor Obamacare?  What made you go to the horror movie route?

GTM:  Honestly? God. Sounds corny, I know. But the idea came to me in a way that felt alive, and right., and powerful…so I didn’t question it. I just followed my faith and put trust in God that it would work.

I have been trying to get attention from politicians and media for over a year to let them know there is a better way than Obamacare. Over 600 media outlets, gave a packet to 5 different Republican Presidential candidates, and even handed my book to a White House employee after trying to contact the White house 4 different times. Squadoosh!

 

I thought, initially, that Obamacare was just a bad attempt with good intentions; I learned throughout this process WHY that’s not true. So many politicians are surrounded by people who want to leverage power for personal gain that elected officials never get told the truth, and there is no way for an average citizen with a better idea to break through.

 

Remember the Mortgage crisis? So many said “Why were those BAD brokers writing no-documentation loans. They are all greedy and evil”. Now that I’ve been trying so hard, for so long, I know why: there is no room for real people to have influence in politics except by being in large movements and, when they are, there are still agendas to overcome. I tried, and I tried harder than anyone I know. I still am, because this is bigger than me.

 

Most don’t really want better solutions; they want ABSOLUTION. Winning the argument, instead of winning their freedom. Thank GOD for Citizens United…

KS:  See, I don’t think it’s corny at all.  I think using the vibe of a horror movie makes a lot of sense given how awful O-Care is gonna be.  As much as you clearly dislike ObamaCare, were you an Obama supporter in 2008?

GTM:  Voted for Obama in 2008, and Clinton before that. In fact, though I was registered independent my whole life until Obamacare (which changed me into a Republican forever. Every Republican in Congress stood to the side and elected not to commandeer your money, and they deserve support from all of us for standing by our side), I was a pretty reliable Democratic vote.

Except Ron Paul, of course. He is still the only Presidential candidate I’ve ever given a dollar.

That’s why I’m glad it’s me trying to do this. Republican and Democratic CITIZENS really aren’t far apart politically; it’s the people who make money by dramatizing differences who keep us from working together.

As a combat veteran, I approached this like a military operation: planning, strategy, reconnaissance, intel gathering, etc. What I noticed is a disconnect between what we see online and on TV and how we live our lives in the real world. No one calls their gay co-worker names, or their conservative friend racist, in person.

I thought I could be a bridge. That’s why the SuperPAC is named Occupy Obamacare: both terms were made popular by opposite sides of our political spectrum. We likely have the only campaign commercial in existence featured on both Breitbart AND Occupythe99%. How great is that? It is by design.

 

No one wants Obamacare; they just haven’t heard yet how to reduce costs and increase access to care. When they read Passing Obamacare, they will know how and that it’s easy to do. I only used 120 pages, and a third of that is bad jokes )

Well…and a make-out session between me, Obama, Michelle Bachmann, and Sarah Palin. Creative license )

KS:  Hottest.  Creative Licence. Ever.

Also–120 pages?  So you’re saying you don’t need an unreadable doorstop to reform health care?  How can this be?  ;-p

You mentioned before about Citizens United.  Why is that Supreme Court decision so important?

 

GTM:  1) If I had known about you before…you could have been the 5th. Or holding the camera. So many possibilities ;o)

2) The reason our health care costs are so high is because the Patient/Insured and the paying customer are not the same. Doctors are paid by insurance companies, and charge for every single thing no matter how insignificant (like filling out your forms. Yes, they charge for that. Procedure code 99201, if I recall). Employers pay for insurance, and employees don’t have a choice except the one given by employers.

 Because both providers and insurance taps into large pots of money, they charge too much for what they do. Every business in America is has a natural limit: the ability of it’s customers to afford products/services. If they exceed that limit, they go out of business. That’s a big reason why Obamacare is so bad: it allows insurance companies to exceed it by giving them use of the IRS to TAKE money from people who could not AFFORD what they sell, and each penalty is indexed to an accelerator, so will increase forever. Who can say “no” to the IRS? That’s why giving free money to the insurance “pool” increases costs, not reduces them. Since Obamacare, increases higher than in our history. Premiums are now set to double in 7 years.

 3) Citizens United did a very important thing: it removed the monopoly politicians had on campaign contributions. In fact, as a SuperPAC, I can collect MORE money, from MORE sources, than they can. All I need is the mic (donations), and the politicians who voted for Obamacare will run for the exits. They can’t hold a debate with me on health insurance; I’ve been feeding my family by knowing more about insurance than my competitors for over 15 years. if they’d like to try…I’ll make time ;o)

 That’s why they try to make Citizens United out to be a bad thing. Yes, corporations can put their money where they want and drive the onversation. SO CAN WE, and we have more money than they do collectively.

We always said that citizens should have more influence than corporations to our political system. Now we do, if we don’t screw it up. Aptly named: Citizens United.

 

KS:  Would It be fair to say that the Citizens United has given you a greater ability to make things like “Sick Cents”?

 

GTM:  Theoretically, but this is the first time it’s had a role, so people aren’t used to it yet.

 

When a politician asks for money, we give it because we want that person to take a job that will benefit us. However, I’m not asking for a job; I’m asking for your attention so you can reduce how much you pay for insurance by thousands a year and increase access to medical care. It’s a bigger goal than 1 person getting elected, so getting people to believe it’s possible is the highest hurdle.

 Our goal is to reduce every politician who voted for Obamacare 10% in the polls by November. The fact that they are all Democrats makes it much easier to identify those who turned so sharply against the American people. If we do that, we can pass a constitutional amendment, which is the only thing that can overturn a Supreme Court decision.

 

The other reason to do that is to demonstrate power and control to our elected officials, so they never do anything like this again. We have to remember that Obamacare, in the womb, was a Republican idea. Gives a different flavor to the pro-life movement, huh? LOL.

 If we only vote for PEOPLE, and not LEGISLATION, they will never act in our best interest because communication has changed, and we must change with it.

When I was a kid, the news was at 5, 6, and 11, and followed the same format: bad news, bad news, bad news…weather, sports…good news. Now Obama is telling me that Republicans are evil and against women, blacks, and gays on the phone in my pocket. And, by the way, can I give him $3 )

 No average person can keep track of it all, so it’s easy to obscure the truth when it comes time to vote. Remember Obamacare was supposed to reduce the deficit, cost of insurance, and let you keep the plan you have? They still say that now, and it sounds stupid considering the MOUNTAIN of evidence to the contrary. Yet, look how many still believe it. Even Harvard grads still say it’s true )

If we really want to take our country back, instead of protesting forever and losing rights all along the way, we should create SuperPAC’s around every area where we know the government is not acting in our best interest, and attack until they do what the American people want.

 

It’s in our hands now if we just believe we can do it. There is nothing in our way at all thanks to Citizens United.

KS:  What did you learn about the creative process from making “Sick Cents”?

GTM:  Trust God and your gut. I’ve never written a book, given a speech, written and produced videos…anything…before taking on this mission. Never even tried. How they turn out is really not known to me until it happens. The Herman Cain video? Came to me in about 5 seconds; I just went with it.   I feel like an observer sometimes, just with better tickets ) And to see the outcome, and to be so inspired by it, is just amazing. I wish I could say I was some kind of latent creative mind or something…but I must give all credit to God. There is really no other way to explain it that sounds true to me.

But, if you try to do something with all your might, and you trust God to help you overcome obstacles and show you a way to win, you will. Not to say we’ve won anything yet; most people still don’t know what a better solution to Obamacare is and why it’s better, but out path is clear now. As long as people donate, we will produce videos every 2-3 weeks between now and Halloween (and THAT video is gonna change the game forever. I never wanted it to be Halloween so bad ), and each one will educate the public on WHY Obamacare is so bad, who voted for it, or what a better solution would be. We will drive the narrative, and use current Democratic talking points and turn them against Obamacare. Wait until you see how the “war on women” is portrayed in “The Sick Cents”!

I got the idea from School House Rock commercials from the 70′s…it’s how I learned to brush my teeth, about conjunctions, and how a bill becomes a law. I was a latchkey kid )

The videos will also follow 3 rules:

1) Verifiable TRUTH only, 2) never say anything bad about any person, 3) Reference to God in everything.

If we keep to that formula, and can maintain funding until Halloween, America will win a better healthcare solution, and more respect from our elected officials than we’ve ever had. Halloween is only 1 week before the election (which was another reason for Dr. Obamacare, BTW), and everyone will know who voted for Obamacare on that day. Until then, there will be about 12 more videos after this one, with each one being more and more sinister ). The intent is to develop a following (I can’t wait for the next episode of True Blood, for example). Using TV strategy for campaign commercial purposes.

 KS:  After all the work that you’ve put into “The Sick Cents”, do you see yourself as a filmmaker or are you an activist?   

GTM:  Well, I enjoy film, but the real talent behind what you see is Dan Cortes of Mosaiah Entertainment. I provide ideas, direction, script writing, and nuance. He turns all that into magic, and the outcome is always better than I imagined. I wish I knew what he knows ) Finding him was an answer to a prayer: I had tried another filmmaker before him, it didn’t work out, and I was at an impasse. I put an ad on Craigslist, he was the first one that responded, and was much more in line with the vision I had for Dr. Obamacare.  Wonderful how that turned out ) 

I’m only an activist because the Democrats passed Obamacare, putting in jeopardy the earnings capability of my children and future grandchildren forever. You mess with my kids, and I’m coming after you…and to WIN, not  just prove a point. That’s why politicians should have more respect for the American people. I’ve met tons of guys/gals JUST LIKE ME on this journey. Many of them read your blog, I’m sure ) 

I’m the same as most everyone else, except for one thing: I’m committed. I have to be if we are to win a better solution.

KS:  If you had to guess, do you think the Supreme Court is going to strike down ObamaCare or are the Republicans going to have to put in the work and repeal it?

GTM:  I think so, but a court is only a referee calling balls and strikes. They aren’t playing the game, so can’t affect a better solution. Right now, Congress is trying to figure out CONSTITUTIONAL ways to give insurance companies more of our money. They can just tax more, after all. Without actually solving the problem, more people will become bankrupt (number 1 cause of bankruptcy in America? Medical bills.) and die prematurely due to lack of access to affordable health care.  They have no vision. When there is no vision in government, the rights of the people perish. 

KS:   How important was it for you to not just criticize ObamaCare, but to have a health care reform plan of your own?

 

GTM:  If I only disagreed with Obamacare, but had nothing better to offer, I would be a fool for putting so much of my personal savings, time, and relationships on the line. If you only knew how hard it is to make big changes in your life like that. Almost all of my friends and family lean liberal and, when you create a character that looks like a Zombie version of Obama, they assume you’ve gone mad or been brainwashed by right-wing racist crazy people who want to destroy America )  I’m sure they are planning an intervention as we speak, and I’m not kidding…

 If you understand insurance and how it affects the health care marketplace, you’ll know exactly why Obamacare doesn’t work and how to fix the problem. When you read Passing Obamacare, 90 minutes later you will be like “WHY didn’t we hear about this kind of solution before?” It’s so easy a caveman could do it, and it does reduce premiums substantially and increase access to healthcare. The only reason we haven’t heard about it is that only high-level executive opinions are considered worthy by our government. No one who works in the kitchen where the meal is prepared is ever consulted except when they ask for money or a vote. Hopefully that will change through our efforts. 

KS:  Can you foresee a time when independent filmmakers can simply bypass Hollywood, make their flicks through alternative funding and use the internet to distribute their movies? 

GTM:  Yes. Easily. Once the average person can go online on their giant screen TV’s, with the same picture/sound quality…game over ) 3-5 years tops, though going to the movies is still a unique experience that will likely survive. Even the best song download doesn’t compare to a concert.

 

KS:  Of all the aspects of this project–writing, acting, casting, art direction, scheduling, etc–which was the biggest challenge?

 

GTM:  Getting people to believe that the average person can force our government to behave. BY FAR the hardest part; creating has been easy. So many people buy the notion that we are not powerful or important as individuals. I’ve heard so many times: “Who are you? No one cares about what you think! How can a lowly person like you fix such a complicated problem?” So many lack faith in themselves and what they are capable of with God’s support. 

 

It’s the same reason normal people don’t enter politics. Think about it: had I tweeted my junk in a previous life (ummm….nevermind ), or even had bad credit once, I would be painted as NOT GOOD ENOUGH to be in politics. Of course, those people know what it’s like in the real world, where people fall and get back up. The kind of people who might have said “Government being able to commandeer our money? HELL NO!”…LOL. When we stop looking for perfection, or someone who has to be BETTER THAN US to win in politics…and start looking for passion, integrity,  and intelligence, then we will get the representation we deserve. 

 

Until then, we get people who are excellent at obscuring the truth about themselves and, by extension, about everything else.

 

KS: You’ve nailed the subject of socialized medicine.  When this is all said and done, do you think you’d take on another political film project? 

GTM:  After this? I’m going to take a nice, long vacation. This is, by far, the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do, and I would love to wake up one day and not think “Must…STOP….OBAMACARE!!!” LOL! Actually, I love everything I’ve done during this project. Filming, writing, giving speeches…creating. I never knew I could do any of it, so I think I’ll keep my options open and see what happens. I will say that I’ve heard from a TON of conservative filmmakers that Hollywood shuts them out. If I can help there, I would be honored. There should not be a political litmus test for a great idea. Maybe instead of Hollywood being the center of the film making universe, a southern city with glitz and glamour like Miami can step up to the plate and fill the void. Lord knows, there are enough people there who want to be in front of the camera!

KS:  Big thanks to the one and only Dr. ObamaCare aka Glenn Troy Morton for giving me some of his time.

 

 You can watch “The Sick Cents” either by going here or by going here.  Also, keep watching his stuff.  As Mr. Morton mentioned, he’s gonna keep rolling out episodes all year long till Election Day. 

 

So yeah, go check it out.  Citizen-driven activism and a horror movie?  Admit it, you’d totally see this flick.  

The “Sick Cents”/Anti-ObamaCare Movie Poster

Check it out, ya’all.

Notice who got the blurb.  Heheh.

I’m in the midst of interviewing Glenn Morton, the creator of the sinister Dr. Obamacare.  I’ll be rolling out our conversation before the premier of “The Sick Cents” next Tuesday.  Mr. Morton has a lot of insights and a few surprises too.

Updated: How Bad Do I Suck?

I apologize for the post making fun of Gerard Butler. 

I deleted the whole thing.

Gerard Butler has a problem that I shouldn’t have made light of.   

From what I’ve heard, he’s not an evil dude.  He’s not any more spoiled or out of touch than anybody else in Hollyweird.  It doesn’t seem like he’s an America-hater or a complete douchenozzle.  But even if he was, that doesn’t excuse me cracking on him.

Hell, I liked him in “300″.  I thought he did a great job as Leonidas.  It wouldn’t have been a great film without his work, which means the dude is talented.

So for what it’s worth I apologize.  I was wrong and I will try to do better in the future.  More importantly, I hope Gerard Butler gets help and gets clean soon.  He’s a gifted actor who will hopefully make more cool movies in the future. 

But I’m not gonna stop making fun of Mariah Carey. 

Do something about your wifey’s clothes Nick Cannon.  Don’t you guys have stylists?  Or mirrors in your house?  C’mon, man.

Conservative Ghettos, Liberal Beachheads

Let’s let the terrific Smitty_One_Each over at The Other McCain fill us all in on the latest leftist dirty tricks on the internet.

Insty points to Treacher going on about the latest shenanigans at Wikipedia. It seems that it’s OK to have a page about Seamus the Dog, of Romney family fame, but no one need be bothered with talk of Obama’s dog consumption. Even though the dog munching is in one of Obama’s biographies, the dog may have been a composite of several species of small furry animals gathered together in a pot and grooving to world music. Wikipedia is great for scientific stuff, but goes high and to the left whenever a political topic emerges. This comes on the heels of Chris Loesch getting tooled on Twitter for offending the powers-that-delete.

Read the whole thing.

Smitty advocates using conservative alternatives to liberal-dominated crap.  Like, swap out your old and busted bookmarked Wikipedia for a fresh new Conservapedia one; that kind of thing.  Not to toot my own boycott, but some of us have been avoiding WikiLiberalpedia for a while now.

The thing I have an issue with is conservative self-ghettoization.  Don’t get me wrong.  I think some right-wing hedgehogging is understandable.  When much of the  the US media culture is full of closed-minded Bolsheviks, the temptation is to tell them to go fuck off and then start something self-consciously and proudly traditionalist.

However–why should the Right concede so much ground to the Left?  Liberals remain America’s minority political caucus.  It seems really counter-productive to let them create areas of public life where their ideology is the only one that gets a hearing, especially when they’re the ones who are most often outside of the mainstream of American political thought.

More than that, it’s about dealing with the larger culture.  Most people are just not strongly political.  That means they don’t really get a lot of the nuanced partisan hackery that goes into censoring Chris Loesch on Twitter or rigging Wiki pages to hide the overwhelming evidence against Algore’s climate change suicide cult.

What that also means is that most people will continue to use the most easily accessible and most popular social media/internet resources/world wide web thingamabobs that are available, regardless of political leanings.  If Twitter is the most popular social media out there, then by God that’s where the people are going to go.  Therefore, that’s where conservative people should be too.

I could see how a conservative version of Twitter might be nice to have.  It would be cool if right-of-center folks didn’t get arbitrarily singled out for their political views.  But then again, who would we be talking to?  Pretty much just us.  Meanwhile, while the Right is busy creating their iteration of whatever the latest hip social media comes out, the Left will simply gobble up the space conservatives leave behind.

Think about it this way:  If the ‘normal’ social website is Twitter, and everybody but Republicans are on it, who looks strange in that scenario?

That doesn’t mean conservatives shouldn’t try to create stuff for themselves.  Hell, right-wing blogs (like the one you’re reading right now) were made in large part as a reaction to the reflexive mainstream media leftism.  So places like Conservapedia and other traditionalist sites are very valuable in combating the socialist menace.

But I think conservatives should always look to use their resources as a springboard back into the larger American conversation.  Rather than get pigeonholed into a narrow political niche, the Right needs to engage with the Left and–more importantly–the unaffiliated low-information people that make up the majority of our culture.

Good Guy Greg And 4/20/2012

Memes–what would teh intertubes be without them?

Good Guy Greg has been bouncing around the nerdosphere for a while now.  In the pic homeboy is seen smoking a joint and looking well and truly blazed.  Who the guy is or where this image came from is a mystery I’m too lazy to solve, but his cheerfully baked demeanor has made him a beloved figure amongst the evangelical cannabis smoker set.  Basically, he’s the anti-Scumbag Steve.

In honor of the best fake holiday that celebrates an illegal habit-forming health-endangering drug since Crystal Meth Madness Month (Spoiler Alert: That’s pretty much every month), here’s some Mary Jane inspired Good Guy Greg pics.

And finally…

Happy Easter 2012

I know Andy Williams keeps insisting that Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, but homeboy always sounded like he was trying to put a delicious dressing on top of a massive turd salad.  The Yuletime season might be full of holiday cheer, single malt beverages and presents, but it also comes in the middle of freezing temperatures, short days and snow-shoveling duty.  In a lot of ways Christmas is like going to a rockin’ four keg party knowing you’ll have to change a flat tire, swap out the oil filter and replace the headlights at the end of the night.

Easter, on the other hand, is a different animal all together.  Especially when it comes in April, Easter is marked by longer days, warmer temperatures and candy.  You also get a perfect excuse to eat hard-boiled eggs free from guilt.  Even a mere surface comparison of the two holidays makes it clear that Easter wins by a continent.

If you’re a believing Christian, Easter also happens to be the culmination of biblical prophecy and God’s promise to all the people of the world.

That’s no small thing.

Happy Easter, everybody.  He Is Risen.

Support Conservative Political Mommy Bloggers!

I like conservatives.  I like mommies.  Vote for them?  Sounds like a plan to me.

Are you a mom blogger who is passionate about politics? We’re looking for moms all over the political spectrum who discuss and debate current events on their blogs.

We are trying to promote and recognize the work of moms who blog with this contest, rather than blogs that are intended for mom readership. Therefore, this contest is only open to moms.

To ensure that votes are fairly acquired we do not allow for any prizes or giveaways in exchange for votes.

Help us find the Top 25 Political Moms – 2012 by Apr 4, 2012 at 4pm PST by voting once every 24 hours for your favorite blog. All votes acquired through bots (or any other unfair voting mechanism), and blogs that do not fit in this category will be removed before the list is finalized.

Okay, peeps.  We’ve got a few days to rock the vote.  Lets do it.  

Who should you vote for?  Several  choices spring to mind.

No One of Any Import has been a blogger homie for a long time.  I steal quote her stuff all the time.

Sitting On The Edge Of The Sandbox, Biting My Tongue has one of the best blog titles ever.  She’s also good for an insightful read every time I click on her page.

The Lonely Conservative, a conservative gal in the People’s Republic Of New York, has been a twitter pal of mine for a while now. 

Zilla of The Resistance resists bonehead liberalism with a deftly wielded beatdown hand.    

The one and only Political Junkie Mom does great work, even if she is hopelessly addicted to her conservative blogging habit.  ;-p

Little Bytes News is another cool right-of-center mommie who I first talked to on Twitter.

Melissa Clouthier is a great blogger who has become a force to be reckoned with in the Twitterverse.

The thing I get out of this is just how deep the right-of-center side really is.  We don’t have a lot of rigid ideologues on our team.  Instead, we have great writers who use their experiences–in the case, as mothers–to inform their conservatism.  That means that the Right gets a broad range of thinking on a variety of subjects, not blinkered dogmatic hammer heads.

In any event, go ahead and clickie on that Top 25 Political Moms linkie and vote for your favorite conservative mommies.  It costs nothing and it recognizes the great ladies who write for the Right side.  That’s a win-win in my book.

Occupy Wall Street…With Turds (Now With 50% More Updatedness!)

Ya know, I’ve been wondering what the Occupy Wall Street movement has been up to lately.  They’ve been sorta quiet.  I hope everything is okay.

Surveillance video captured Occupy Wall Street demonstrators just before 8 p.m. on March 14 dragging large quantities of human urine and feces in containers to an open-air plaza at the corner of Nassau and Cedar Streets in Lower Manhattan, then pouring the waste down the stairs there. In a separate incident the same night, approximately 20 minutes later, one of the suspects entered a Chase ATM vestibule on Water Street and poured the human waste inside the vestibule.

Oh, thank God.  It’s totally not a big deal.  I was worried those mischievous Occupy scamps were up to no good, like potentially spreading deadly disease causing microorganisms in a heavily populated urban area.

I’m sure the load of shit thrown into that Chase automated teller booth was very much appreciated by the customers who had to use the ATM machine.  Nothing brightens the day of a typical New York City resident–already known across the planet for their pleasant cheerful demeanor–like having to wade through airborne cryptosporidium in order to get money out of the bank.  I’m certain those folks who were trying to get cash at that ATM had a hearty guffaw at the harmless prank the Occupy Wall Street band of harmless pranksters had on them. 

The people who went to that Chase vestibule were definitely won over to the Occupy side by stepping in piles of shit.  I know that’s how the Tea Party movement grew so quickly.  You remember all those reich-wing teabaggers spreading their crapulence all over the areas surrounding their rallies, right?

MORE:  Matt over at the righteous Conservative Hideout has video of the prank, and regales us with a particularly awesome detail.

In a bizarre twist to the story, it seems that Mr. Amos’ van was also used to haul food for the Occupiers. Also in the NY Post story:

Amos was in charge of bringing food for protesters at 60 Wall St. and his white van was caught crossing the Brooklyn Bridge several times.

No worries about food contamination though.  The Occupy movement is famous for its diligent cleaning and sanitizing habits.  Mr. Amos’ van was definitely 100% fecal coliform-free when he was bringing food to Zuccoti Park. 

Well, maybe 94% fecal coliform-free.  That’s a pretty good number.

Okay, 83.5% fecal coliform-free.  Still a strong not vomit-inducing figure.

Yeah, on second though, perhaps 67% fecal coliform-free is closer to accurate.

Would you settle for 50% fecal coliform-free? 

Jeez, your standards are a little high, don’t you think?  We’re only talking about the distinct possibility of human crap and food getting mixed together.  It’s not as if its something serious, like giving the local Communist Party apparatchik sufficient uptwinkles during his 20 minute rant at Occupy Duluth.

Tim Tebow Traded To…The New York Jets? (With Three Updates!)

Will wonders never cease?

The Broncos traded quarterback Tim Tebow on Wednesday to the New York Jets for a fourth-round draft choice, FOXSports.com has learned.

It was later revealed that the Broncos received a fourth-, sixth- and seventh-round pick for Tebow, the Denver Post reported.

The deal – which was facilitated by Denver’s signing of Peyton Manning to a five-year, $96 million contract – spells the end to one of the wildest chapters in the franchise’s 52-year history.

Well, that moved pretty fast didn’t it?  Manning makes his announcement yesterday.  Today, Tebow is gone. 

Quick question:  What did the Jets just get themselves into here?

The team just signed their starting quarterback Mark Sanchez to a three year contract extension.  That would seem to suggest that the Jets were committing themselves to Sanchez for at least the short and middle term.    In that context, the move to get Tebow makes little sense. 

The New York Jets now have millions of dollars wrapped up in one position.  That would be great if football was played with more than one ball.  Unfortunately, it’s not.  How much salary cap space do the Jets have to fill other needs?  How much can Sanchez and Tebow co-exist without having other parts of the team becoming degraded? 

People will argue that, with Tony Sparano installed as the new offensive coordinator, getting Tim Tebow is a good move.  When he was the head coach of the Dolphins his Wildcat play-calling added an unpredictable wrinkle to the Miami attack.  On paper Tebow’s skills would seem to mesh with the Sparano’s ideas about how to run an NFL offense.  With Tebow called in for wildcat plays, one could make the argument that the Jets just made a great decision.

The problem here is that its 2012, not 2008.  Defenses have largely found ways of limiting the damage Wildcat plays can cause in the course of a game.  Sparano’s unorthodox tactics seemed to have hit a wall in recent years.  Now, one could make the case that Sparano didn’t have the personnel in Miami to make the Wildcat work, but it’s an argument with a lot of holes in it.

Here’s another fun fact:  Perpetually disgruntled asshat and part-time NFL wide receiver Santonio Holmes spent most of the 2011 season angry that he wasn’t getting the ball enough.  He threw Mark Sanchez under the bus several times during the course of the year.  How stoked is Holmes going to be when the Jets turn into a QB-option/ run early/run often/run always offense?  Potentially, Santonio Holmes could go from a major annoyance to a full-blown locker room cancer over the course of the upcoming season.

The thing is, I like Tim Tebow.  I’ve said a few times that Tebow’s greatest weakness is his inability to read NFL defenses.  I believe that if he devotes himself to correcting that one sub par aspect of his game, that he could be a successful NFL quarterback.  He has all the physical tools to do this.  His mental toughness suggests that he also has the work ethic to make himself into a top-flight field general.

The issue I have is that this move is completely illogical except in one way.  By making this trade, the New York Jets have put themselves on the back page of every New York City tabloid.  Not only that, they’ve made a huge media splash across the country.  From the perspective of a team looking for attention, this deal got everybody thinking about the Jets.  Congratulations Gang Green, you’ve completely annihilated the off-season news cycle war.

However, the point of the NFL is to win Super Bowls.  Kicking ass in the spring is merely a facet in the overall framework of collecting championship hardware.  Ask the Washington Redskins how their various March player pick-ups have contributed to their utter dominance of the league during the last decade.

The Jets didn’t get a pass-rushing defensive end.  They didn’t snag a monster offensive tackle.  No, they decided to get another quarterback.  For a team with a QB that has led them to the AFC Championship game two out the last three years.

UPDATE NUMERO UNO:  The Jets jumped the gun?

After word spread rapidly Wednesday that the New York Jets had acquired quarterback Tim Tebow from Denver for draft picks, the teams have encountered a hang-up in the language in Tebow’s contract that could nullify the trade, a Broncos source tells ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter.

In Tebow’s contract is a $6.2 million salary advance, of which $1.2 million already has been paid by Denver, sources told Schefter. The difference of $5 million is still advanced against his future salary, and that burden would shift to the Jets in a trade. The Jets, sources said, believe the Broncos should owe Tebow that money.

The trade, then, will not be finalized until the sides resolve their differences over which should pay the money coming to Tebow.

The teams agreed to the terms of the trade — the Jets dealt fourth-round and sixth-round selections in 2012 in exchange for Tebow and a 2012 seventh-rounder from Denver — before the Broncos asked New York to pay back a portion of bonuses and salary already paid to Tebow…

What the hell?

This is just silly.

If the Jets have any sense, they’ll take this snag as a very convenient way of backing the hell out of this deal.  “Whoopsies, we’re horrible readers!  We can’t figure out contract clauses!  Looks like the trade is void!  Awwww shucks!”

Lets see if Gang Green can get lucky and have this swap fall though on them.

UPDATE NUMERO DOS:  It gets stranger still.

“Tim Tebow has $5 million worth of recapture language,” Schefter tweeted, “meaning Jets would have to pay back money to Denver. Jets might be unwilling.”

Multiple sources have indicated that the Jets front office agreed to the deal and then raised objections after thoroughly reading the contract. An ESPN source says the Broncos continue to negotiate with the Jets, but are also negotiating with the Jacksonville Jaguars.

…Similar language ended trade talks between Denver and the Jaguars, Schefter noted, but as stated those talks appeared to be back on. Schefter later wrote that a league source believes the trade would eventually go through with the Jets. If both teams fell through, the St. Louis Rams could have been involved.

Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebus.

This has turned into a Grade-A clusterfuck. 

All because Mike Tannenbaum didn’t bother to read Tebow’s contract? 

Unbelievable.

UPDATE NUMERO TRES:  Nope.  It’s done.  Tebow is a Jet.

For the second time in eight hours, the Jets finalized a trade for Tim Tebow. This time, it’s official, sources told ESPN Insider Adam Schefter.

The trade compensation is the same as the original compensation: The Jets send fourth- and sixth-round picks to the Broncos, who send a seventh-rounder back to the Jets.

According to Schefter, the Jets agreed to pay $2.5 million of the $5 million in advance salary that is owed to Tebow — the root of the contract-related snafu that held up the trade. So not only did they give up two draft picks, but they had to pay extra to acquire him.

Whatever.  The most pointless trade in football history is finally finalized. 

Hey, New York Jets owner Woody Johnson:  You bought the ticket, enjoy the ride.

Manhattan Infidel Turns Three Years Young!

That’s right, folks.  The Manhattan Infidel has hit tres años.  How does homeboy celebrate?

In style.

On February 20, 2009, a date that will (or is it shall?) live in infamy, the blog known as Manhattan Infidel debuted. On February 21st, 2009, encouraged that the logs showed two hits Manhattan Infidel swore off all human contact to concentrate on the fame and fortune that no doubt would surely follow. And here it is three years later. I decided to celebrate my blogoversary as any man would do who has a healthy emotional, spiritual and psychological life: I paid a woman I’ve never met before to dress up as a French maid and clean me. Because I’m oh so dirty. And filthy. And naughty. But on to the celebration!

Note to self: Hire another woman next year. She missed a spot.

Very nice.

Read the rest, as yours truly gets a wonderfully revolting shout-out.

I for one applaud Da Infidel’s commitment to personal hygeine. Unfortunately, all those lovely cleaning women that Manhattan Infidel needs to maintain his impeccable grooming don’t grow on trees. Why not hook a blogger up and hit his tip jar harder than Obama hits taxpayers in the wallet. Once you’re done with that, read some of his other great work as well. You will not be disappointed.

Manhattan Infidel: Come for the fastidious French maids, stay for the superb social satire!

We Wish You A Merry Blogaversary–The Conservative Hideout Turns Three!

Hip-Hip-Hooray!

Actually, the “blogaversary” was on Saturday.  Three years ago then, Posted The Piggly Wiggly and the Porkulus, and the Conservative Hideout was drug, kicking and screaming, into the world.

Hideout-Meister Matt Ross goes on to thank his many supporters, which is just one reason why he’s not only a great blogger and a true patriot but a class act as well.

Why don’t ya’all mozzee on over to the CH and wish him a happy blog birthday?  I’ll be here when you get back.

Matt’s post is a reminder of something really important.  Members of the the right-leaning blogosphere should do what they can to support their own.  Money is always a nice way of encouraging us greedy reich-wing capitalist running dogs, of course.  The Left will always have ways of helping their foot-soldiers, in both legal and not-so-legal ways.  When possible, letting some spare change rattle around the tip jars of our favorite peeps wouldn’t be the worst idea.

But making all this crazy blogger cash isn’t everything.  If all you can afford is a link or a comment, then that’s pretty cool too.  Teh internetz is always better when we act as much like meatspace humans as possible.   A verbal high-five is a great way to tell a blogger to keep up the good work.

In any event, here’s to Matt and his great Conservative Hideout.  Lift a glass and throw up a toast:  Here’s to many more years of success to come.

Music Tuesday Outlaw Country – “Valentine” by Willie Nelson

Because, like the Red-Headed Stranger himself says, you never really outgrow Valentine’s Day.

It’s a deceptively simple tune.  ”Valentine” is taken from Across the Borderline, which I suppose you could consider late-period Willie.  At that point, Nelson had spent the last three years getting his assets seized by the IRS for failure to pay back taxes.  I for one am shocked, shocked, that a famous bong-load proponent was less than studious about coughing up the cheddar to the gubmint [sarc/].

In any case, in 1993 Willie had basically gotten his fiscal house in order.  Across the Borderline reflects an understandable sense of relief.  His love for Paul Simon’s material is reflected in not one but two covers.  Nelson’s version of  John Hiatt’s “The Most Unoriginal Sin” finds Willie in an epic mood, with sweeping lyrics and a stately tempo that recall the Book of Genesis and a bawdy forbidden romance all at once.

For my money, “Valentine” is the best tune on the disc.  The flamenco-flavored guitar lines move the listener far off into a dusky Texican vista.  Nelson’s tenderness and plain-spoken delivery take what could’ve been a trite exercise and turn it into magic.

There are a million love songs.  Most of them are clichéd.  A lot of them are just lame.  It’s a special tune that manages to capture the sweet innocence of a childhood love and the understanding that happens in an adult relationship.  ”Valentine” nails it.

Music Monday Victory – “We Are The Champions (Live)” By Queen

Congratulations go to the New York Football Giants, the 2012 world champions of football.

Question:  Eli Manning has won two Super Bowls in the last five years.  Is he an elite quarterback yet? People made fun of Manning when he said last summer that he was on a par with the great playcallers in the NFL.  Well, the funny thing is that not too many quarterbacks playing right now have two Super Bowl rings.  Tom Brady, Ben Roethlisberger and now Eli Manning; that’s it.

Doesn’t this win put Eli Manning in the elite of current NFL quarterbacks?  If it doesn’t, what the hell does?  Does homeboy have to win another championship?  Does he have to get another Super Bowl MVP?

I realize that before this season Eli didn’t have ultra-gaudy regular season numbers.  Peyton Manning, Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees and–yes–Tom Brady all have more impressive regular season statistics.  There have been times during his career when Eli has looked very average.  While Manning has done well to cut down on his mistakes this season, it’s not like he never threw an interception or missed a receiver.

The thing is, when Manning has to get the job done in a pressure-filled moment in the game, he responds far more often than he doesn’t.  He only threw about a thousand fourth quarter touchdowns this year.  More importantly, both of his Super Bowl appearances have been marked by spectacular plays that facilitated a victory.

By any measure, Eli Manning is an elite quarterback.  The way you know it is simple.  If Eli retired right now with no other additions to his resume, he’d almost assuredly go into the NFL Hall of Fame.  There’s a chance he’d get into the Hall on the first ballot.  That’s how great Manning has been over the course of his career.

Ehhh, just some food for thought.  In the end, the most important thing is that the G-Men came away with the victory.  Congratulations to the world champion New York Giants.

Super Bowl 2012

Well, for a football season that almost didn’t happen, this year has been a helluva ride.  The lockout might’ve put a scare into players, owners and fans, but once it was over the NFL put the rocky offseason behind it in short fashion.  The 2011 Super Bowl winners, the Green Bay Packers, had a dominating 15-1 record only to lose in the second round of the playoffs.  Teams like the Detroit Lions and the Oakland Raiders, who both have long histories of losing, were finally competitive and have potential to be strong in the future.

 

After a great season, it makes sense that this year’s Super Bowl is full of drama.  The 2011-2012 edition of the New England Patriots features a high-powered offense led by All-Universe quarterback Tom Brady. Most teams have one fair to good tight ends.  The Pats are blessed with two spectacular TE’s; Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez both had insanely productive seasons.  Wes Welker is one of the more dangerous wide receivers in the NFL.  As usual head coach Bill Belichick has his hydra-headed running back attack of Danny Woodhead, Benjarvus Green-Ellis and Stevan Ridley, which allows him to plug in three guys into the position and keep all of them rested.

What New England doesn’t have is a lock-down defense.  With the exception of  Vince Wilfork, there aren’t a lot of bona-fide stars on the Patriots’ defensive team.  This is somewhat surprising, as Belichick made his NFL reputation as a defensive mastermind.

The New York Giants are in the Super Bowl, but at times during the year it was doubtful whether they’d make it to the playoffs.  From mid-November to mid-December, the G-men lost five out of six games.  During that swoon, head coach Tom Coughlin was allegedly headed for the unemployment line.  Whispers of a rebuilding effort in the offseason were heard.  Player grumblings and dissention was a factor.  Instead of slouching towards a January tee time, the Giants rattled off five straight victories and turned what could’ve easily been an epic failure into a potential Super Bowl victory.

Emphasis on ‘potential’.  In the Patriots, New York faces unique challenges.  The Giants pass rush is a dangerous weapon that has proven that it can get to any quarterback in the league.  However, stopping the run is not their strong suit.  Even their pass defense has some holes.  If the Giants aren’t putting pressure on the passer, their secondary can be overwhelmed and end up burned for big plays.              

It looks like the Super Bowl will come down to the match-up between the Patriots offense versus the Giants defense.  If the Giants are hitting and sacking Tom Brady, the Patriots are in for a long game.  If Brady and Bellichik can mix in the run and pass and keep the Giants on their heels, the Patriots have the talent and weapons that could turn this game into a New England route.

I could also see special teams factoring in here.  The Giants are not known for their great special teams play.  Lawrence Tynes can hit a clutch field goal, but he doesn’t have the strongest leg on kick-offs.  Even if New England doesn’t run back a kick-off for a touchdown, they could get serious yardage on kick-offs which would set up their offense on short fields.  On the other hand, Bill Bellichik has been known to take risks if he thinks he can catch the other team off-guard.  Fake punts, onside kicks; the whole gamut of trick plays could be possible in this match-up.

My long-running support of the New York Football Giants is hampering my normally completely fool-proof football prognostication skills [sarc/].  My heart wants the Gints to snag their second Super Bowl in four years.  My head tells me that the Giants defense is superior to the Patriots defense, which should be enough to secure a New York victory.  My pessimistic streak–located somewhere in my bunions–says that since everyone on the planet seems to be picking the Giants, New England could sneak out a victory.

I really don’t know about the game.  I’m too much of a fan to really look at this objectively and make a pick.  I do know that I like cheerleaders, though.  Lots and lots of cheerleaders.  

 

     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Enjoy the Super Bowl, homies.  And the girls too.

Hey, it’s a Mark Oxner for Congress Campaign Ad!

Check it out:

Turns out the director of the video is an up-n-coming fellow by the name of Vernon Furniss . If this is his first viral ad, then I’d say the dude’s got some serious potential.

To follow up on the ad, here’s Ladd Ehlinger’s take on this year’s Congressional elections.

What’s important now is to send to Washington, D.C. representatives who will protect us from whoever wins the Presidential election, whether it be Obama or a GOP candidate. Granted, a conservative veto-proof majority in the House and Senate is not perfect protection against a big-government POTUS, but it’s better than nothing.

So if you’re a conservative activist who’s been spending your focus and energy on the Presidential race, gyrating linguistically to defend your candidate, look to your own back yard. Your efforts, heartfelt though they are, have little chance of turning the course of the GOP Presidential Primary. But you can vet candidates in your backyard. Find the one that you believe in most, and fight for him or her with all your heart.

Bingo.

While I don’t think it’s as bad as Ehlinger thinks it is, the truth of the matter is that conservative activists have to have back-up plans for an Obama victory. Getting as many right-of-center people in Congress is a top priority. Ads like Mr. Furniss’ would do a lot to get conservatives elected.

Besides Mark Oxner is running against none other than Alan Grayson. Grayson is such a left-wing hammer head that he got booted out of the House in 2010. But since the prick just won’t take a hint, he’s decided to run in Florida’s new district. Wouldn’t it be lovely to send this massive progtard packing twice within two election cycles?

I’m already starting to get a massive schadenfreude overdose just thinking about it.

Portlandia-Is This Something?

I don’t get IFC channel, but because I read Sitting On The Edge of The Sandbox, Biting My Tongue and her great blog I don’t have to.

She’s a fan of “Portlandia”, a show on IFC.  Check out her take.

The real white people are not in New Hampshire, and certainly not in Iowa or South Carolina. The real white people are in the Pacific North-West, and they are California transplants.

We started watching Portlandia on a Big Hollywood tip, and I can’t believe nobody told us about it last year. Like Stuff White People Like, a blog I proudly feature on my blogroll under humor, Portlandia ridicules mores and tastes of white upper middle class liberals.

…Liberals making fun of themselves, quite maliciously so at times, is nothing new. What’s surprising is that self-mockery is coming from Carrie Brownstein of a super-earnest grrrl band Sleater-Kinny and Fred Armisen who sabotages Obama skits on SNL. I suspect Brownstein and Armisen feel liberated to be funny on Portlandia only when they are performing for an elite audience of like-minded white liberals.

Read the rest.

All I know is that this is the funniest Fred Armisen has ever been in his entire half-assed comedy career.

Watch him in this Saturday Night Live opening skit.  Get your pillow and blankie for when you doze off 25 seconds in.

Granted, the writers gave Armisen a whole 2.3 jokes to fill a three minute bit.  It’s hard to be funny there isn’t anything remotely resembling humor anywhere in the material.  That doesn’t excuse Fragile Fred for his ponderous performance.  Armisen doesn’t deliver a punchline so much as wrestle it to the ground, tear it open, light it on fire, stuff it into your mailbox, then look at you with pleading eyes desperately craving your approval.   

One gets the sense that Armisen–and SNL in general–can’t really go after Obama all that hard.  They don’t want to hammer the President because he’s their guy.  SNL, along with the rest of the court jester/palace guard media, will not humiliate the politician that most reflects their values.  So they pull their punches at every opportunity, which not only makes them kool-aid drinkers but incredibly boring as well.

But the shackles come off when slightly famous liberals can make fun of average everyday liberals on a cable TV show.  Oh well.  We’ll call that progress. 

Funny, timely and just a little self-deprecating to boot.  Wow.  It’s amazing what one can do when you’re not shooting jokes in the balls so they don’t hurt your side of the political spectrum.

What’s really cool is how “Portlandia” is pretty much the proggy version of Larry The Cable Guy.  I know liberals–especially bitter old hacks like David Cross– hate Larry The Cable Guy.   What the lefties can’t get is that Larry isn’t glorifying the hillbilly peckerwood lifestyle, he’s satirizing it.  His material pokes fun at the silliness of the South.  He’s a conservative Southerner laughing with–and at–other Southerners.

It’s easier to take jokes from your own people, rather than take them from an outsider.  Irishmen can call their fellow Emerald Islanders drunk bog-trotting micks and it’s all good.  If Germans were actually capable of generating humor, they’d start by calling themselves humorless krauts and then they’d politely giggle about it under their breath. 

Same thing with Southerners.  They know Cable Guy is having a laugh at their expense.  But they can take it from him because a) he’s one of theirs and b) they know Larry’s bits are based in the reality of Southern life.

“Portlandia” is the comforting laugh that lefties can have on themselves.  Conveniently, it’s also the laugh conservatives can have on liberalism too.  That’s always nice.

Happy Thanksgiving 2011

Look, I know I’ve kinda sucked at this whole blog posting dealie but that doesn’t mean I’m not thankful for all the folks who come by and read and comment on my goofiness.  I’ll try to do better soon.

Here’s a big holiday toast to all ya’all.  I hope you have a great Thanksgiving, surrounded by family and friends.  I pray you enjoy all the delicious food that surrounds this great holiday.  I hope your football team wins.

Most of all, keep a sharp eye out for all the great Christmas shopping deals.  In fact, here’s a guy who can help you with that.

Seriously, Happy Thanksgiving.

Automatic Shotgun Demonstration. Yes, You Read That Right.

Courtesy of FPS Russian.

Gun dudes have a saying that the smart man is the one who brings a shotgun to a pistol fight.  If that’s the case, then the scary-smart super genius brings a fully auto shotty with a 20 round drum mag to the aforementioned handgun battle.

“But KingShamus,” you ask in a concerned tone, “what happens when I’m in a firearm melee and I need special shotgun ammo to save the day?”  FPS Russian has you covered there too.

I had found homeboy a while back, meant to make a post about his various gun fetish vids, but I just sorta braincramped.  I’m pretty sure the dude is a real Russian in the same way that I’m actually a Chinese lesbian who lives in El Salvador, but who cares?  The guns are rad.  The wacked-out gun stunts are funny as hell.  If the dude wants to put on a faux Russian accent, it doesn’t matter much.

Enjoy, homies.