Blog de KingShamus

"When an entire nation thirsted to break free from PC…Andrew Breitbart opened a big bar."–Chris Muir

Posts Tagged ‘Al Gore’

Al Gore Sells Current Network To Al-Jazeera

Posted by KingShamus on January 3, 2013

Al "Cash Money" Gore

Alternate Headline:  Two Bloated Government-Subsidized Anti-American Entities Collide.

Al Jazeera, the pan-Arab news giant, has long tried to convince Americans that it is a legitimate news organization, not a parrot of Middle Eastern propaganda or something more sinister.

It just bought itself 40 million more chances to make its case.

Al Jazeera on Wednesday announced a deal to take over Current TV, the low-rated cable channel that was founded by Al Gore, a former vice president, and his business partners seven years ago. Al Jazeera plans to shut Current and start an English-language channel, which will be available in more than 40 million homes, with newscasts emanating from both New York and Doha, Qatar.

“Low-rated”?

Current doesn’t even sorta compete with bottom-crawler MSNBC.

Whatevs.  If the Old Grey Lady wants to soft-pedal Al Gore’s failure as a broadcaster, that’s fine.  Every breathless teeny-bopper wants to believe her idol is infallible.

Now, here’s the best part.

Mr. Gore and his partners were eager to complete the deal by Dec. 31, lest it be subject to higher tax rates that took effect on Jan. 1, according to several people who insisted on anonymity because they were not authorized to speak publicly.

Because when Mitt Romney uses legal ways to avoid taxes, he’s a ghoulish blood-sucker.  When Al Gore does it, there is nothing to see here.  Thank for clearing that up, New York Times.

UPDATE:  Time Warner Cable liked this deal so much they dropped Al-Gorezeeeera from their channel roster.  Hey Qatari media geniuses–if you’ve got $500 million dollars just laying around doing nothing, this blog is officially for sale.  Direct message me on Twitter.  Let’s make some magic happen.

Posted in Celebutards!, Media Silliness | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

Worst Tattoo Ever?

Posted by KingShamus on February 12, 2011

Or is it the best?

If you don’t know the reference, check this out.  You will not regret it.

ManBearPig!

Update:  Dean_L over at the very sensible NonSensible Shoes made a movie!

AlGore Mania has infested the Right-O-Sphere!

Posted in Chuckles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments »

Iowahawk on two latter-day liberal saints

Posted by KingShamus on July 19, 2010

Saints?  Maybe not.

It happened that in Washingtown-on-Beltway there once ministered to the shire folk two vicars of remarkable and resolute piety. Polite history shall record their names and peerages as the Reverend John St. Edwards, Lord Plaintiff of Durham, and the Reverend Albert des Gores II, Earl Carbonet of Greenhouse. It shall likewise note well that each man, in his fashion, was a virtuoso upon his respective pulpit. What it shan’t record, however, is each man’s slavish indenture to the base desires of the flesh. As every schoolboy knows, as well he does his Latin infinitives, few are those men whose breeches are immune to the Devil’s disturbances. In the case of our two ill-fortuned subjects, Lucifer himself seemed to take particular delight in presenting ribald temptations and the debasing consequences that follow. Herein lies their tale.

Of our first subject, the Vicar John, let us note that he overcame a birth of low station through vigorous enterprise, fine grooming, and a tongue deft in weaving tragic tales of indigence; first as a simple shire barrister and then as an ordained minister at the Abbey of Washingtown. “Brethren, in my travels I have observed that we live in two shires,” he was wont to tell his rapt parishioners. “One with which you are familiar; whose roofs are handsomely thatched and in whose plump bellies rest a gluttonous supper of lamb’s-pudding. Yet, and alas, there is another shire; one in which dwell the miserable wretches laid low by our sinful and unrepentant avarice. Wretches like this unfortunate filthy lad, who has not a morsel eaten in the last fortnight.”

Upon which he would dispatch some soiled and peckish urchin into the congregation with the offering-basket, to fetch indulgences from the weeping flock of penitents. These sermons and indulgences proved quite lucrative to Vicar John, and he soon lavished upon himself great indulgences of his own; a baronial rectory in the country-side, satin waistcoats and breeches, silver buckle pumps, the finest Italianate wigs, and a staff of haberdashers and barbers for their tending. From Huffingtown to Pandagon to Firedog Lake he was proclaimed the most compassionate and prettiest vicar in all the shire, and a worthy ascendant to the Bishopric of Washingtown.

Vicar Albert, by contrast, possessed neither the clever silver’d oratory nor the Greek visage of Vicar John, but a keepsake thrice still as dear: a birth into an estate of vast heraldry. Though considered by his tutors a thick and insubstantial scholar, his sire, the addled prelate Albert I, obtained for the lad hereditary sinecures in the seminaries of Cambridge and Washingtown. Soon and anon he found appointment as confessor to the sodomite bishop William of Clinton, who in gratitude for his service and merciful penances named him Bishop-in-Waiting. Yet, just as he was to assume the Bishop’s manse, he found himself deposed by the apostate hordes of Chad the Usurper.

Much more satirical goodness at the link.  Click it and thou shalt be entertained.

Posted in Chuckles | Tagged: , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Al Gore’s Match.Com Profile-FOUND.

Posted by KingShamus on July 18, 2010

Sadly, I’m thinking this is pretty much spot-on.

Ladies…he’s all yours.  Just be sure you can release his second chakra.

I snagged this from Nice Deb over at AceofSpadesHQ.  Thanks a bunch.

Posted in Chuckles | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Al Gore Sex Scandal-Now With Possible DNA Evidence!

Posted by KingShamus on July 1, 2010

Oh my Lord.

And maybe this breaking scandal is why Gore has been transferring his multi-million dollar real estate into a limited liability company.

I’m not a lawyer, so LLCs are a slightly shaky concept for me.  It does seem like very interesting timing for Gore to make this move.  Why would he need legal protection for his land now?  

What about grandfathering?  If criminal charges and/or a civil suit come out of this incident, does the fact that Algore changed his land holdings into an LLC now have any effect on the outcome of potential legal actions? I honestly don’t know, which is why I’m asking.  Knowing the answer to those questions would go a long way to explaining the Goracle’s actions here.

As for the possibility of DNA evidence, I think we find ourselves in a very familiar…not to say sticky…situation.

What if the DNA tests positive for Al Gore?  Will he be so quick to holler “The Science Is Settled”?

HEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Oh But Wait: Jim Treacher finds more of that rad Asian computer-generated Al Gore and The Masseusse awesomeness.

NSFW, but very safe for getting drunk at home.

Posted in Domestic Happenings, Politicians behaving badly | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Nobel Prize Winner and Notable Former Political Figure Likes Da Sexxxy Time

Posted by KingShamus on June 24, 2010

Al Gore:  Lady’s Man.

      The masseuse told investigators about an evening massage session during which Gore allegedly became enraged at times and tried to gain sexual favors from the woman.
       “I was shocked and I did not massage beyond what is considered a safe, nonsexual area of the abdomen,” she said. “He further insisted and acted angry, becoming verbally sharp and loud.”
      “I went into much deeper shock as I realized it appeared he was demanding sexual favors or sexual behaviors.” The woman said Gore grabbed her hand and shoved it toward his pubic area.
      She alleged he later tried to have sex with her and began caressing her before she squirmed out of his grasp.

What’s really cool?  This incident allegedly occurred in 2006.  So America gets the scoop on this minor little story a mere 4 years after the fact.  Anybody want to guess how long we’d have to wait if this was a Republican?  I’d say the press would be off to the races in about 4 minutes-tops. 

I’m gonna think about the liberals in my audience here for a second.  Al Gore has been a cult hero for the progressives ever since he threw a temper-tantrum over not winning the Florida vote count in Election 2000.  It would’ve been very helpful for the American left if they had been made aware of their super-genius savior’s monumentally horrible personal behavior.

If history has shown us anything, it’s that liberals are deathly afraid of not acknowledging their heroes’ character flaws.  [sarc/]

Update:  RSMcCainiac-lanche!  Thanks to Senor McCain himself and TOM readers for stopping by.  Go ahead, make yourself comfy and take a gander at my old nonsense.

Posted in Politicians behaving badly | Tagged: , , | 8 Comments »

Earth Day Follies-A Tale Of Two Houses

Posted by KingShamus on April 22, 2010

I guess this is a little old but it’s pretty timely, considering it’s Happy Hug A Tree Day.

HOUSE #1:

A 20-room mansion (not including 8 bathrooms) heated by natural gas. Add on a pool (and a pool house) and a separate guest house all heated by gas. In ONE MONTH ALONE this mansion consumes more energy than the average American household in an ENTIRE YEAR. The average bill for electricity and natural gas runs over $2,400 per month. In natural gas alone (which last time we checked was a fossil fuel), this property consumes more than 20 times the national average for an American home. This house is not in a northern or Midwestern “snow belt,” either. It’s in the South.

HOUSE #2:

Designed by an architect professor at a leading national university, this house incorporates every “green” feature current home construction can provide. The house contains only 4,000 square feet (4 bedrooms) and is nestled on arid high prairie in the American southwest. A central closet in the house holds geothermal heat pumps drawing ground water through pipes sunk 300 feet into the ground. The water (usually 67 degress F) heats the house in winter and cools it in summer. The system uses no fossil fuels such as oil or natural gas, and it consumes 25% of the electricity required for a conventional heating/cooling system. Rainwater from the roof is collected and funneled into a 25,000 gallon underground cistern. Wastewater from showers, sinks, and toilets goes into underground purifying tanks and then into the cistern. The collected water then irrigates the land surrounding the house. Flowers and shrubs native to the are blend the property into surrounding rural landscape.

Naturally, big-talking environmentalist nanny-douche Al Gore lives in House Numero Uno, which would be an ecological disaster if there was a Republican living there. The second home belonged to…George W. Bush.

Happy Earth Day!

Fuck the environmentalist hypocrites. I will never believe any of their claims ever.

I stole this from Snarky Bastard. Rock the hell on, dude.

Posted in Politicians behaving badly | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Manhattan Infidel finds a news clip from the future

Posted by KingShamus on March 1, 2010

The Infidel must have a time machine or some shit.

Scientists drilling into a mile-deep remote glacier in the State of Tennessee have discovered what is apparently the body of Al Gore, former Vice President of the United States from 1993-2001.

“Because of the cold the body was well-preserved.  We didn’t know who it was at first”  said a scientist.  “Finally we checked his wallet and the I.D. said it was Al Gore.  Then we had to Google who Al Gore was.”

Al Gore, today mostly forgotten, was at one time a well-known pubic figure, the 45th Vice President of the United States and a proponent of the controversial and discredited theory of anthropogenic global warming.  At the height of his popularity Mr. Gore even won an Oscar for his film ‘An Inconvenient Truth.’  That Oscar was rescinded by the Academy after the record winter of 2011 when 56 inches of snow were dumped on Los Angeles.

Gore’s body was found huddled in the basement with several others.  Two have been identified:  Former teen heartthrob Leonardo Dicaprio and NASA Chief Climate Scientist James Hansen.  Next to the bodies was a sizeable pile of coal.

“We think they were trying to use the coal as a last ditch effort to warm themselves.”

Check out more of this amazing science-ish tale of science and the future  at the link.

Posted in Chuckles | Tagged: , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Al Gore likes consensus a little too much

Posted by KingShamus on October 11, 2009

Phelim McTAler is a journalist and a filmmaker.  A while back, he made a film that poked holes in Al Gore’s “Inconvenient Truth”. 

So Al Gore is giving one of his nerdlington circle-jerk presentation and McTeer shows up to ask a few questions.  This leads to Phelim McAleer getting cut off.  Since he’s Irish, you’d think that refers to him getting his ass tossed out of the local pub (yuk-yuk).  In this case, it’s just McAleer’s microphone.

McAleer’s great point is that environmental journalists should question the eco-warriors in the same way that they interrogate large corporations or government officials.

I agree with that.  The trick is that the vast majority of journalists agree with Al Gore and the rest of the eco-twinks.  They really don’t want to question their hero.

Posted in Politicians behaving badly | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Manhattan Infidel: The Internet Invents Al Gore

Posted by KingShamus on October 5, 2009

Interestingly, I think this might be pretty close to the truth.

The Internet today announced the release of its latest much-touted but troubled Operating System, the Al Gore 2.0.  This latest Al Gore will be the first version available to the general public.

After extensive beta testing of Al Gore versions 1.0  and 1.5 revealed major bugs that had to be eliminated the Internet is confident that this Gore will be “the best Gore ever.”

Al Gore version 1.0 showed much promise but had to be shelved when the Operating System showed a tendency to restrict word searches to a predefined list of parentally approved words.  (See the Tipper Gore 1.25 Operating System.)  “Naturally this posed a problem when people were searching for porn” said the Internet.

Clicky the linky for more goodness.

Posted in Chuckles | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

 
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