Posted by KingShamus on January 4, 2013
Oh look, Arnold Schwarzenegger is back making movies again.
I guess he’s been back at it since “The Expendables”, but this is the first post-Governator film where he’s the lead. At least that I can remember. Whatevs.
My inner 8th grader wants to like Arnold as an action movie dude again. His work from “Conan the Barbarian” to right around the mid-90’s is pretty much untouchable. On the other hand, his running of California was damn near impeachable. Ahhhnold ran as the anti-Gray Davis, then proceeded to become…Gray Davis.
On the other other hand, a sixty-five year old guy is trying to do what he does best. Fine. Good luck with that, homie.
Co-starring with Schwarzenegger is up and coming actress Jaimie Alexander. She’s best known from the Thor flick that came out a while back. And, yeah, she’s kinda cute.
So this woman is an up and coming actress who is not shy about her looks or her drinking habits.
But I have to draw the line at dog-eating.
For shame, Jaimie Alexander. For shame.
I posted pics of this attractive lady for many reasons. Mostly because Manhattan Infidel and Bunkerville gave me crap about the lack of Rule Five posts lately. What can I say? I succumb to peer pressure.
Posted in Celebutards!, The Posts of Morale | Tagged: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jaimie Alexander, Johnny Knoxville, The Last Stand, The Last Stand Trailer | 5 Comments »
Posted by KingShamus on August 23, 2010
The action movie is a tired old genre. It’s male-centric in extremis, simplistic and violent. The bad guys are unfailingly horrid. The good guys are unflinchingly decent. That’s what many of the important critics say about this red-headed stepchild of the motion picture industry.
Into the teeth of that widespread critical opinion marches “The Expendables”, starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li and a whole host of Hollywood tough guys.
The movie tells the story of a team of mercenaries who do heavy duty wet work for profit. Tasked by a shadowy CIA operative named Church (Bruce Willis, in a fun cameo) with taking out a military dictator in the (fictional) South American island country of Vilena, Barney Ross (Stallone) and Lee Christmas (Statham) do reconnaissance on the situation. They soon find the job complicated by the presence of Sandra (Giselle Itié), their contact for the mission who also happens to be the daughter of General Garza (David Zayas), the leader of Vilena. Garza is not only a thug, he’s also wrapped up in a cocaine running scheme with rogue American intelligence agent James Munroe (Eric Roberts). In between all that, the viewer is treated to generous servings of fire fights, double-crosses, fisticuffs, car chases, gun porn and male bravado.
So no, we’re not dealing with the second coming of “Hamlet” here. But we are confronted with an unpretentious, expertly crafted movie that does exactly what it means to accomplish. Not only that, you get shitloads of manic fun.
Watch Stallone and Co. run around blowing stuff up and kicking massive amounts of ass. After that, go ahead and sit through pretentious hand wringing anti-American slop like “The Bourne” movies. If Barney Ross and his crew of mercs inhabit a cartoonish un-reality, Jason Bourne occupies a universe that is just as divorced from our world as the one created in “The Expendables”. The only difference is that Stallone’s story-and Stallone himself-makes no bones about the escapism of the film. After self-important deadly-dull serious ‘action’ movies like “Syriana” or “Green Zone”, it’s incredibly refreshing to watch a flick that knows exactly what it’s supposed to be.
“The Expendables” is not perfect. Dolph Lundgren still can’t act. Eric Roberts still chews the scenery. Stallone still can’t enunciate. But these are trivialities. In the positive, Sly can write a rousing yarn. He can direct action sequences with the best filmmakers out there. One more really nice thing: the CGI stuff that has seemingly taken over every movie put out by Hollywood nowadays is reasonably unobtrusive. What a relief.
Best of all, Stallone puts his cast into perfect situations for their abilities. None of the cast is going to be found in the next Henrik Ibsen revival. But each (male) role gets a chance to shine in some way. The fight between Jet Li and Lundgren manages to be funny and serious all at once. Toll Road’s (Randy Couture) insecurity is good for a laugh. Hale Ceasar’s (Terry Crews) gun fetishization is kinda scary but also really hilarious. Mickey Rourke is given a quiet introspective moment that ties the movie together. The friendly ball-busting chemistry between Christmas and Ross is a winning part of the movie’s formula.
Oh yeah, and while doing all that, “The Expendables” still manages to hit all the right action movie notes in the most satisfying ways. You want explosions? Stallone’s second language is ‘Massive Fireball with an Accent From the Kaboom Region of BlowUpLand ‘. You need some hot babes? Charisma Carpenter and Giselle Itié are really easy on the eyes. Got a hankering for guns? The film doubles as an NRA recruitment video. Interested in seeing bad guys get their just desserts? Ross’ team kills the fucking shit out of dudes in an assortment of gleefully gory and totally rockin’ ways.
If you understand what “The Expendables” is meant to do, you will not be disappointed. To hell with the critics and their twinkish stupid opinions. See this movie and know the enduring charm of a well-made action adventure movie.
Posted in Critiques | Tagged: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Charisma Carpenter, David Zayas, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Giselle Itié, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Randy Couture, Sylvester Stallone, Terry Crews, The Expendables | 7 Comments »