The latest epic masterpiece from the two great thespians of our time, Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, is finally here. Fast Five continues the story of the last four Fast and Furious films and it promises action, hot cars, thrills and all the wooden dialogue delivered in a gravelly monotone from ‘roided up meatheads you can handle. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m stoked.
Really, it won’t be as bad as all that. These movies don’t pretend to be turgid Harold Pinter character studies, so you really can’t hate on them being kinda dumb. I rail on Vin Diesel sometimes, but the guy is utterly believable as a criminal goon. If the point of acting is to convince the audience that a character is who he says he is in the film, then Diesel is perfect in these flicks. Paul Walker looks like a Gap model more than an actor, but even his stilted clunky performance seems to work in the Fast-n-Furious setting.
So go to Fast Five, I say. Watch it on it’s own terms. If it ends up sucking, it’ll be because it doesn’t work as an action/caper flick, not because it isn’t The Seventh Seal.
Anyhoo, the best part of the Fast series isn’t the cars. The stories barely exist, so they can’t be the big draw. It ain’t the action sequences either. No, it’s the babes. Without any further half-assed movie critic throat-clearing, bring on the chicks.
Okee-dokee, homies. That’s it for now. Enjoy the hotties!